5 secrets

This fine morning I decided to check what was going on online (I don't happen to be online often and for a long time lately) and I visited Isabelle's blog...nice surprise!! She wrote her 5 secrets and asked me to do the same....
Isa, chuis en train de faire ça pour toi!!

But I have to think over it...5 secrets...I have many secrets but the REAL intimate ones won't be written here...

1) Exactly like Isa, I seem to be a magnet for guys who don't attract me at all. Or, on the contrary, the attraction is mutual but they are only interested in physical activities, and don't care if I have a brain and can create sentences of more than 3 words in a coherent and sensible way. Or they flatter me on how smart I am as a way to go to bed with me. A very explicit example is the one of the french prick:
"Ema I love talking to you, you're so smart even if french is not your mothertongue, our conversations are like chess matches...I'm sure you want to have some fun after this match"
F**K off...

2) I lack self-esteem, and this is due basically to 2 reasons. First of all my uncle, who used to repeat me since I was like 4 years old things like "You're fat, stop eating, don't eat, you'll look ugly when you grow up" and since I haven't stopped eating I guess in a corner of my mind I am aware of being ugly because of that. The second reason is pretty much linked to the first secret: if guys don't consider me, or just consider me for sex, there must be something wrong with me. Hence, low self-esteem.
Happily in time this has considerably diminished. I am pretty much satisfied of how I look like and especially how I am inside. And I don't give a shit about who cannot see it. The only thing left is that everytime someone seems interested in me NOT only because of sex, I can't help thinking it must be a joke. And feeling unsure.

3) Once I hated pink. Now I looove pink!!
Except for guys...it's too metrosexual!! (no, lilac is not pink but it's also metrosexual for guys!!) ----> it should be clear I'm not into metrosexual guys.

4) I am way too cathartic (if this word exists): I happen to shed tears while I watch a movie, read a book, listen to a song, write a poem or even while I am telling out my feelings to someone.

5) I keep dreaming of a prince charming though knowing he will never cross my path. Or better, my 5th secret is that I believe my prince charming will never cross my path so I just keep dreaming of it.

I still have many secrets to tell, maybe one day I'll do the part 2...
Merci Isa, c'était une trèèèssss bonne idée celle des 5 secrets...au fait, c'était qui à avoir fait ça la première fois? Mystère....

Xmas blurbs

Hello Hello!
I haven't had many chances to come online lately, because I don't have my own pc with me and I have to ask some of my relatives to use their one and eventually check what's going on on the net without me. Not that my absence is much noticed by people, but I like to think I am an active net-citizen.

My Xmas holidays have been good so far.
Apart from the 13hours long trip by car to get to Naples (normally it takes no more than 6hours!)
Apart from terrible traffic jams...
Apart from the fact that I am not free to say that Baby Jesus thing is a crap (blasphemous me!!)
Apart from having an uncle that since I was born has made my complexes about being fat grow and is still doing all he can to enhance them.

Apart from that, I can say everything's fine up to now.
More to come soon...well as soon as I can!!

I
am
a
good
driver.

Thanks Mister!

You could have helped me yesterday instead of staying stuck in your car watching while I struggled to get the car out of that park.
Two cars on the sides, one car on the back, few room to move, high risk of crashing or scratching the car (damn, in this place people park like beasts!).
And
you were staring at me and laughing in your car.

Cool down. I achieved the mission. No car has been hurt in the process.
Were you deceived Mister, despite your "thumb up"?

I
am
such
a
good
driver.

And you're such a nerd, Mister.

Bios kai Tanathos

Life and Death.
Two words, appearently so short and meaningless. Appearently so easy to type or pronounce, to hear or read and to forget, yet they constitute a neverending source of philosophical quests. Since...well, since men havestarted to wonder on mysterious matters.

Life and Death.
People use to think they are one opposite to the other. I don't agree. They're just too strictly linked, intertwined, there's no death without life and there's no life without death.

Life and Death.
Not up to me to judge what's right or wrong.
May you have a safe journey, Piergiorgio. Your life has been pain, struggle, deceivement. Your life has been like a neverending sleep of nightmares. Death has come to give you what Life couldn't provide you: rest, and some peace.
And the beginning of a new Life.

- in memory of Piergiorgio Welby-

No Comment

I'm not going to make any comment on this.
Will just type the conversation...

Me:"Hey G. (my boss), I have something to ask you..."
G.:"ooh..is that about your contract?"
Me:"Yes! I want to know what's going to happen"
G.:" yeah well...didn't I tell you the HR director called me this morning?"
Me:" ehr..no!"
G.:"oh well, seems I have forgotten. Your contract expires on the 3rd of january"
Me:"I know"
G.:"..but I still have to talk to the director who has to talk to the CEO who has to talk to the President, and then we'll let you know"
Me:"when will I know?"
G.:"I guess we'll tell you something before friday"
Me:"Ok, I hope so"
G.:"so..what would you say to convince us to keep you here?"
Me (not sure to have understood):"Pardon?"
G.:"yeah, why do you think we shall hire you?"
Me (pissed off):"Well if you didn't manage to find reasons after one year I've been working here, there won't be much of a difference if I say a couple of words or not"
G.: *giggles*
Me: *walks away from her office*

Paris

Everyone knows about how intolerant I can be toward arrogant people. Without discrimination of gender or nationality. It's just that I have found more arrogant people in France than in other countries (especially people from ESSCA), which anyway doesn't prevent me from being a massive France lover. And this is surely thanks to people like Léo, Mat, Honey GuiGui, Monsieur Kij and Céline. NOT at all thanks to people like a certain french prick (thanks God for having taught me this word!)...and some other french assholes (on en connait beaucoup Léo, n'est-ce pas?).
This brief introduction about France was merely to lead the talk to my 2 days trip to France. Lille and Paris. It was great, apart from the fact that it was perfectly useless from the working poin of view (a complete failure!)...and apart from conversations such as the following ones:

In a restaurant 1
French Prick: you eat those sausages in a very ambiguous way
Ema: it was you to order my food, and if you find it ambiguous it's none of my business

In a restaurant 2
French Prick (with a flirting attitude) : this is the first time we have dinner together alone, just me and you... (attempt to grab my hands)
Ema (with a skeptical expression) : oh wow, I'm amazed...does your food taste good?

In a restaurant 3
French prick: Seriously, I admire people who manage to keep up a relationship, especially at a distance, what do you think?
Ema: that it's possible to achieve that only if feelings are supported by seriousness, sincerity, respect and patience.
French prick: You sound wise....
Ema: well I belong to the half of the world who knows when it's the moment to have fun and when to be serious, I am not scared by commitments when time comes.
French prick: And what's the other half of the world?
Ema: people who end up being older than 35 years old and only able to have fun with a sacred fear of responsibilities.
(touché!!!)...et cassé!

Walking in the streets
Ema: I think I'm going to take pictures lately
French Prick: if you need an interesting subject you have one nearby... (winks winks and self-assured smile)
Ema (turning her head the other side) : Oh yeah, I really like these elephant statues (ps: Lille city center is full of elephant statues)

On the panoramic wheel 1
French Prick: it's gonna be romantic...
Ema: actually it's just going to be damn cold

On the panoramic wheel 2
French Prick: I'm freezing cold! (gets near and holds me tight in his arms)
Ema: I'm not, you should have brought a scarf.

In the pub 1
French Prick: I admire you a lot, I really like talking to you, because it's like a chess match, I try to get you in confusion with my words but even if it's not your mothertongue you always find a reply.
Ema: thanks, that's nice of you. But I assure you it's not too difficult. (thinking: a man is a man, whichever his nationality is - and I do have a brain, yippieee!!)

In the pub 2
French Prick: So tell me, what is that you wish to win from this match?
Ema: nothing
French Prick: oh come on, I'm sure you do want something
Ema: I want nothing
French Prick: I think I know what you want
Ema: glad you are, can you please tell me what I want?
French Prick: you want to end up having some fun, don't you?
Ema: no, I said nothing
(silence)
French Prick: what have you said?
Ema: N - O - T - H - I - N - G
(silence)

This was thursday. Friday was definitely much better, we finished early in the hospital so I reached Paris at 2pm, met Léo and we watched Kaamelott!! Then, Champs Elysées where I met Vincent aka M. Kij, in a bar fulllllll of waiters dressed like seamen (pretty gay if you ask me, but I wanted to go there because I know ISA would have loved that! vive les matelots!! vive LE MALE!! haha ).
It was an awesome day!! Some facts on the spotlight:

• Eating ramen with a spicy HOT sauce is absolutely great *drool* ...but make sure you have enough paper tissues for your leaking nose!
• Hot chocolate with milk cream at Starbucks is damn good!!..and if you're cute and flirt with the waiters they'll give you free Starbucks stickers! If you're cute...or if you tell them you're italian and you'll bring them around in your country...
• We found a way to induce pricks (haha I really like this word!!) to leave us in peace: when they flirt with us too bad, all we need to do is grab their head and make a sudden scary face.
• True love goes beyond physical aspect, beyond handicaps, beyond our stupid everyday problems...I admire people who have the strength to stand everything for love's sake.

THIS is good music...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zdcnq3M4lX0

Meeeeeeeellll assieds-toi faut que j’te paaaarleee j’ai passé ma journée dans le noooooiiiir - Mel je le sens, je le sais, je le suis, il se fou de moi! MON MEC SE TAPE UNE AUTRE FEMME OUAAAAISSSS (Meeeeel sit down, I need to talk to you, I spent my day in darkness, Mel I feel it, I know it, he cheats on me! MY BOY FUCKS ANOTHER GIRL YEEAAAAHHH)

Summing up...

Well yeah I am often too lazy to type what happens in my everyday (DULL) life. And I let time pass so even if I had something interesting to write, it has no more appeal the moment I type it down.
Ahlala la paresse...
I was talking to Léo today, about the fact I am just the pale shadow of me and I will keep being such as long as I stay stuck here. I don't feel motivated to do anything, to go anywhere, I just want to go away, that's all. So boring.

Anyway...
This weekend I didn't do much, friday night was cool, out with Silvia and Monica, listening to Silvia talking about Mister Bullone (haha ok this is an italian word but in english it would sound so funny!) and having a sip of don't remember what (sucks, I can NEVER drink when I have to drive..). Then I spent saturday afternoon in the hospital because of dad's small accident...nothing serious happily! Rather funny if I think of it now...
Saturday night I didn't go out....because I got drunk at home! haha there was sooo much wine....and since I've never got the chance to drink as much as I want (see the reason above mentioned), I took the advantage of the situation. Then I just spent the night lying in my bed listening to some gooooood music (no Bagiao, it was NO romantic music!) and smsing all the way with Bagiao and Silvia. God bless Vodafone for free sms!!
Sunday I went out with Bagiao and Anni, in Ferrara, it was nice, we were meant to have a walk in the city but we just stopped in a cool bar having some wine and hot chocolate (er...no, not mixed together).

And now, ladies and gentlemen, here's the scene winner of the "Shut up you bitch!" award:
A = a cute yet soft, round shaped girl
B = a cute yet mentally fucked up girl
Dialogue:
A: Oh wow, you look so nice today! (seriously meant to be a compliment)
B: Yeah thanks, I know, I am on diet, I have lost 7kg.
A: Cool
B: You also seem to have lost weight, are you on diet too?
A: Nope, and I haven't lost weight, I eat as much as I want and it shows.
B: Eew...how much do you weight?
A: (thinking: why the hell you don't mind your business?) I don't know now, I don't check everyday.
B: Oh you should, it would prevent you from eating more.
A: ......

Sometimes I hate being a woman surrounded by women.
And A is HOT anyway. Fact.
Sometimes I love to have a different brain.

Eyes

Does it show THAT much that there's something different in my eyes?
so so so much?
why is that everyone sees it?
Happily it's a good change :)

Do you look for a change?

Aujourd'hui c'est le tour du français. Car j'en ai marre, et je préfère dire "j'en ai marre" plutot que "I'm sick of it" ou "ne ho abbastanza". C'est plus immédiat, meme dans le son de l'expression.
J'en
ai
marre
.
Point barre.
Je veux pas attendre toute ma vie avant de prendre une décision sur mon futur (de plus que mon futur s'écoule dans le moment meme ou j'écris ici...quelle perte de temps!) mais je n'arrive pas encore à comprendre exactement quelle est la route à prendre. Et où ça va me mener.
J'ai envie d'un changement qui ne se passe toujours pas, ou qui est peut etre "in progress" et je ne m'en aperçois pas. J'aurais envie de changer d'endroit, de boulot, de vie, de connaitre d'autres gens, de savoir que les gens qui partagent mes idées ne sont pas forcément si loin de moi.
J'aurais envie de savoir si ça vaut la peine que je laisse place dans mon coeur à des sentiments qui peuvent me rendre très heureuse, ou briser ce qui reste de mon sourire.
J'ai peur, aussi.
Je tremble face à la nécessité de prendre une décision pour un changement.
Je suis trop habituée à laisser que tout change autour de moi sans que je fasse rien pour en provoquer la modification, rien. Et je profite des nouveautés.
Alors là j'attends, que le 2007 m'apporte quelque chose de bien, quelcun de bien, des expériences et un peu de paix.
Et maintenant,
j'en ai marre.

Pentagramma

Sometimes I feel I can express my emotions better through music than with my words. With notes, melodies, lyrics, a particular riff that perfectly suits the swings of my heart and my mood.I was talking wih a friend about this. My life has always been followed by a soundtrack, since I was a baby. I have some songs, for crappy that they can be, that remind me some specific moments of my life and I can't but fill my mind of memories when I listen to them.

There are some old songs, mainly in Naples dialect, reminding me of my days as a baby:

• "'O surdat 'nnammurat", so many memories of my grandpa..

Sta luntano da stu'core
a te volo c'ò pensier
niente vogli'e nient sper
c'a tenert semp'a fianc a'mme
sì sicur'e chest'ammor
comm 'i sò sicur
e tè...

• "E Vola vola" reminding me my grandma, when I was like 3 years old...

E vola vola vola vola

e vola lu pavone

si tiè lu core bbone

mo fammece arpruva'...

Some songs mark the end of a period and the beginning of a new chapter of my life.

• "Hedonism" (Skunk Anansie) fuck, I was feeling so bad in that period..

Just because you feel good
doesn't make it right
just because you feel good
I still want you here tonight

• "Freak on a leash" (Korn) free and ready to start again, brand new! my 16 years of fucking thinking I was cool...

Something takes a part of me
Something lost and never seen
Everytime I start to believe
Somethings raped and taken from me... from me
Lifes got to always be messing with me.

• "Don't cry" (Guns'n Roses) for every end and every beginning, for every time I told myself to go on. This song makes me smile, this song is strength.

Talk to me softly
There's something in your eyes
Don't hang your head in sorrow
And please dont cry
I know how you feel inside
I'veI've been there before
Somethin's changin' inside you
And don't you know...

Some songs remind me of special people or places...

• "Educated Guess" (Ani di Franco) this makes me think of Anand. No matter why, it's just HIS song.

And I've got something sweet for you
And I don't care if it is more than you deserve
I've got a lot of love and a lot of nerve
So watch me while I take this curve

• "The Small Print" (Muse)..ok this might not be the best Muse song but it has a strong impact of me everytime I listen to it..reminding me of Angers, so much..

Say, it'll make you insane
and it's bending the truth
you're to blame
for all the life that you'll lose and
you watch this space
but i'm going all the way
and be my slave to the grave
I am the priest god never paid

• "Adam et Eve" (Kain) and this is Québec!! the only song I could sing when we were in Gatineau dans la Boite à chansons :P with the handsome singeeerrr, girls with NO style at all and a looot of sfigati (good memories, Isa!)

J'veux sentir ton âme épier la mienne
J'veux que la nuit s'étende jusqu'au bout du monde
J'veux qu'la planète nous appartienne
J'veux que la vie soit vierge
j'voudrais qu'on soit comme Adam et Eve

• "Ziggy" (Céline Dion) aaah such an ugly song! but I will always remember it, the laughters we had, me and Isa, when we downloaded this song while being drunk in the middle of the night..hahaha

Ziggy, il s’appelle Ziggy
Je suis folle de lui
C’est un garçon pas comme les autres...

• "Forever and One" (Helloween) Simona!!my spiritual guide :)

Forever and one
I will miss you
However, I kiss you
Yet again
Way down in neverland

• "Chop suey!" (System of a Down) Silvia and our singing sessions in my car, screaming and dancing and feeling it all!!

Father into your hand
I commend my spirit
Father into your
hand
why have you forsaken me
in your eyes
Forsaken me
in your
thoughts
Forsaken me
in your heart
Forsaken me ohh
Trust in my self
righteous suicide
I cry when angels deserve to die
In my self righteous
suicide
I cry when angels deserve to die

• "Guerrilla Radio" (RATM) our old rock/metal club, my friday nights out with Simo, my first long drives, my first hate for house music :P

It has to start somewhere
It has to start sometimes
What better place than here
what better time than now?
All hell can't stop us now

Hmm too many to list them all, too many...so many moments I forgot to list here, so many people I didn't put, on purpose or not...

Right now I have one song representing how I feel. It won't probably underline any new chapter, who knows, but still it lingers in my soul.So here it is, to close my post about songs, to give a hint of how my life's flowing lately.

"Patience" (Gun's n Roses)

Shed a tear 'cause I'm missin'
you

I'm still alright to smile

Girl, I think about you every day now

Was a time when I wasn't sure

But you set my mind at ease

There is no doubt

You're in my heart now
Said, woman, take it slow

It'll work itself out fine

All we need is just a little patience

Said, sugar, make it slow

And we come together fine

All we need is just a little patience(patience)

Mm, yeah

I sit here on the stairs

'Cause I'd rather be alone

If I can't have you right now

I'll wait, dear

Sometimes I get so tense

But I can't speed up the time

But you know, love

There's one more thing to consider
Said, woman, take it
slow

And things will be just fine

You and I'll just use a little patience

Said, sugar, take the time

'Cause the lights are shining bright

You and I've got what it takes

To make it,

We won't fake it,

I'll never break it

'cause I can't take it

...little patience, mm yeah, mm yeah

need a little patience, yeah

just a little patience, yeah

some more patience, yeah

need some patience, yeah

could use some patience, yeahg

otta have some patience, yeah

all it takes is patience,just a little patience

is all you need

I been walkin' the streets at night

Just tryin' to get it right

Hard to see with so many around

you know I don't like being stuck in the crowd

And the streets don't change

But baby the name

I ain't got time for the game

'cause I need youyeah yeah but I need you

Ooh I need you

Whoa I need you

Ooh all this time...

Wait For Sleep

Standing by the window
Eyes upon the moon
Hoping that the memory
Will leave her spirit soon

She shuts the doors and lights and lays her body on the bed
Where images and words are running deep
She has too much pride to pull the sheets above her head
So quietly she lays and waits for sleep

She stares at the ceiling and tries not to think
And pictures the chain she's been trying to link again
But the feeling is gone

And water can't cover her memory
And ashes can't answer her pain
God give me the power to take breath from a breeze
And call life from a cold metal frame

In with the ashes
Or up with the smoke from the fire
With wings up in heaven
Or here lying in bed
Palm of her hand to my head
Now and forever curled in my heart
And the heart of the world

-Dream Theater-

Again it's been long since I last wrote something here...I'd spend a whole day just writing down one line after the other in order to talk out what I have inside. But I won't. This time the reasons for my smiles, I'll keep them for me.

I'm just so happy God exists (the real meaning of this sentence is hidden ;) )

---

Some weird facts happened to me in the past week:

1. why is that I never take a train but when I happen to take one it has like 2hours delay?
2. have you ever seen a hotel which has a "PLEASE DISTURB" sign instead of a "Please do not disturb"?
3. have you ever been sitting next to a guy on a train (yeah the same train delayed), he started talking about a magic world populated by elves and vampires...and when he stood up you noticed he really looked like an elph? (haha oh man I'm so nasty!)
4. do you know that ravioli can taste like cheesecake?
5. have you ever been punched while dancing salsa with someone? (damn that guy made my lip bleed!)

Have you ever been so happy that everyone else who's looking at you can't help but smiling back at you?

---

I hate when you go dancing with someone who's supposed to be JUST a friend and he spends the whole night hugging you and trying to kiss you and touching you and stuff you'd only want your boyfriend to do. And I hate that I can't say it annoys me like hell just because I know it would hurt him.

---

Isa si tu as besoin de frapper dur quelcun dis-le, je suis prete à me lancer dans la lutte à coté de toi!!!!

Italian weekend

Subtitle: when religion gives good advices!

I've been spending this weekend with Vincent, my Taiwan friend, sightseeing some cities of my region...we've been to Mirandola (haha the big metropolis!!), Modena, Ravenna and Bologna. It was so nice, we have seen many things and I'm happy because everytime I wander around my own region I end up discovering new things, and it's pretty interesting.

Ok, this post intro is the "wise-girl" part.

Now, I've been with Vince and his friend from Bologna in San Petronio, a church in Bologna. There was a mass and the priest was speaking:

Priest: "And Our God says, My Children, enjoy love in solitude"

Enjoy love in solitude? hahaha I always thought catholic religion was against masturbation... :P
ok ok I know, I've got an insane mind...

Emails and Bad luck - and colleagues

During my lunch break I was watching some TV to refresh my brain (!!) after a tough (!!) morning. There wasn't much on, so I ended up watching what my father wanted to, a law programme called "Forum". The aim of this programme is to put two people who have an argument in front of a real judge and find out the solution by legal means. For instance, my neighbor listens to music at a way too high volume after midnight. I get angry at him but he won't stop. So I tell him "Hey mate, let's go to Forum, we'll have our half an hour of success on TV and then we'll know who's right between me and you.". And once in TV the judge will listen to the argument and say "Following the article XXX it says that one cannot cause noises after 11pm". Good. Argument solved, peace established. And a lot of smily faces on the screen.
Now, today's argument was something I couldn't understand at first. Well, I didn't want to understand it. This woman had brought her friend in front of the judge because she insisted that the e-mail this friend sent her caused a lot of unlucky events to her. You know the boring chains people always send, saying "If you don't send this to other 14953985934 people you will have 14953985934 years of bad luck"? Well this woman, let's call her Mrs. Sfig, had received a couple of months ago an email from her friend, which I will name Mrs. Ata. It was the kind of friend emails saying "the person who sent you this loves you and wants you to be her friend for the rest of life" and in the end "PS: the person who sent you this loves you so much that if you don't send this you will be cursed for the rest of your life". Hehe. No well, it was about "a series of unfortunate events will happen in your life if you don't send this". Needless to say, after having received the mail, in two months time this woman had: her computer destroyed by a virus (appearently arrived through the same mail of the chain), a car accident, an accident on work, a broken knee and her 3 years old cat died. And in front of the judge she accused Mrs. Ata to be the cause of all this because of the email she sent. With a series of offenses and curses of different entity.
It was very folkloristic. Pretty much italian. Pretty much superstitious.
Interesting coincidence though!!! Happily it never happened to me, because I receive and erase so many chain mails that up to nowadays I should already have:

• at least 50000 years of general bad luck
• something like 6000 years of bad luck in love life
• no sex for 73829 years
• bad sex for other 3900 years
• become poor for the rest of my life (received at least 30 times)
• seen the love of my life marrying my best friend (haha)

Ok, I might not be particularly lucky in love life, but I don't feel that cursed.

Not yet, at least...

---

My colleague has the habit of asking me to translate words into english for him. But it never happened before that he asked me something in italian.

Colleague:"Emanuela how do you write "pregherei"?"
Ema:"in english? "I'd pray"
C:"no no in italian"
Ema:"ehu...pregherei."
C:"yes but with or without H?"
Ema (whose look now saying "are you kidding or what??"):"with H...between g and e there must be a H or you wouldn't pronounce so"
C:"oh yeah you're right, you're really good with languages"

NB: for those who don't know me, I AM italian.

And my colleague too.

And we live in Italy.

HTML

Udite, udite!!

sto imparando i primi rudimenti di HTML, i primi tags, i primi esperimenti...

sono troppo contenta!!

A short summary of events...

Well here I am after a long time...and I thought I'd write this in English because it will probably be too long to translate it all in the three languages, so the universal language will do. Plus I need to practise a looot coz my English is getting rusty! :P
It sucks that I'm so late in writing here, because some things that happened in the past weeks really deserved a lot more words than the ones I'm gonna spend here, a deeper analysis, a better description...but well, time has passed and has made the impact of those events fade slowly away. So all I'm left with is the pale reflection of the feelings those events gave me, and I'm now trying to fix them with words before I'll lose them completely.

Let's talk about my stay in Belgium first. It has been absolutely great. I arrived in Bruxelles on the 25th october, in the evening, a city I've never seen before, everything new and unknown. I meet a man at the ticket counter, he asks me something in English about something related to trains and timetables. 10 minutes later, I realise I'm sitting next to him on the train. Funny, we smile to each other and start talking, that's crazy, he also worked for a biomedical company, Fresenius moreover! We keep talking, I've got the weird feeling I can trust this unknown man. Something in the eyes, maybe, or just the gentleman attitude he kept all the way. So I accepted his offer to pay me a cab, and the following offer of a dinner together. This is something that most people (and me too, in another situation) would consider extremely risky. I just followed my stupid instinct and said yes, and I'm extremely happy of my acceptation. It has been a great experience, this man seemed to know everything of me before I could talk, he listened to me, asked me questions, gave me replies on my will of knowing which is the perception that people have on me. It has been enlightening. It has been a conversation that lasted many hours, and that unfortunately I can't rewrite here. There's this one thing he said that still lingers in my thought and made me feel much better, and its effects still last now: "You seem like a very bright girl, smiling and outgoing. But something in the way you move tells me your self-esteem is sometimes too low. You shouldn't worry what people might think of you. You own a special kind of beauty, which isn't immediate as the mere physical beauty. You have a deep beauty which has its roots in your eyes. And you have to find someone who's able to look deep into you to find all of your beauty. You don't need guys attracted by your body only, and you know 99% of the guys will want just one thing from you. It's because they're blind."
Well...isn't that just great for the ego? :) Jokes apart, I thank that man a lot, for his silent understanding, for his words, his kindness, and for having appeared in a moment of my life where I needed some more strength. All I have got of this man is a name, no other means of tracking back to who he is. Thanks Ralph...
After this striking meeting, my mood was considerably brighter and the day after I got to know Her Eddy Vandenbroeck from Sorin Belgium, a person it was a pleasure to work with. We did our visits in the hospitals, collected the informations we needed to collect, and he brought me afterwards for a walk in Leuven, his city. We went to buy chocolates, then we stopped for a beer, and it was really pleasant to spend some time talking. Then he offered me a dinner at a japanese restaurant, and oh yess it was just GREAT! The place was awesome, the food even more, and the cook was like an acrobat of food! The things he could do while cooking...whoah astonishing!! Pity I haven't got pics of that night...we also ended up being drunk after beers and wine :P Indeed, I love when work gets mixed so well with social relations :D
Friday has been the second and last day of work with Eddy, and I admit I was sad about it because it's difficult to find people who are competent in their job, full of knowledges and also extremely gentle and nice in manners (at least, I rarely found them in my experience by Bellco). Eddy left me on friday evening next to the Gare du Nord, where Annemie was waiting for me. Annemie, it was so good to see her again!! It brought me back with memories to the old times in Angers, where she practically lived by my neighbors Robert and Denise. Two years have passed but when I was with her it really seemed to me that it was yesterday that I left Angers. And the melancholy raised up. Gosh it's raising up now too!! I wish I could bring those days back here, live them all again, one by one, see the people, enjoy the feelings, have the same dreams I had...
I'm starting to be romantic now :D
Well I got back home on saturday the 28th, met some friends in the night then on sunday my mum came back to us after nearly two months!!! We're all so happy to have her back even if we don't know yet how long she will stay...I don't care, I'm just enjoying every hour. I always say I'd love to live alone and go away from this place, and this is the number one dream I have, but I love my parents and it's impossible for me not to miss them when they're not there. It's just that when they're there...they're TOO much present in my life :P hehe well, that's the job of a parent, right? Who knows how I'll be when I'll be a mother myself...right now it seems impossible to me!
This week with my mother has been pleasant, yet intertwined with sad moments when we talked of the situation we're going through because of my aunt's illness. I know my mum thinks about this 24/7, but at least here she has more to be busy with, in a better way than looking after her sister all the time, and seeing her suffer. She's like having a breath of fresh air now, in order to get ready for when she'll have to leave again.
On wednesday I've gone out with Silvia, my dear Pollon! I promised her we'd have gone to Lime together and we managed to (thanks to this week of holiday that I got as a gift from the company!), but it was half empty (so weird!! normally it's crowded!!)...plus we had an unpleasant meeting, that asshole of "Frankenstein" (yeah she will know whom I'm talking about ;) ) with another girl!! Of course she was upset...thank God we've been approached by a couple of guys who kept us talking all the while, so she could think of something else...but one of those guys was SOOO annoying!! Mister-Know-It-All kind of guy, that is. I couldn't help giving him harsh replies to his comments, which he probably liked because he ended up saying I've got brain (even if he is still more clever than I am, as he didn't miss to underline..sfigato!!) but I didn't like when he told my friend she acts in a stupid way! Happily we managed to tell him so many things (yeah we're not bimbo girls, we do know how to use the power of words...) to destroy the stupid comments he was making (about girls, of course) that he shut up all of a sudden. And we left the place with a good feeling of victory in our stomachs and in our well functioning brains ;)
Warning, to all men who still think all women are too vain to keep a conversation up: don't judge before trying, I'm sure you can have good surprises, and if you're humble enough to accept the fact that you're not the Kings of Universe, you might enjoy the surprises even more ;) these are a woman's words...

Overbooked weeks...

Ho appena dato un'occhiata al calendario...dopo un'estate un po' piatta (a parte le mie due settimane con Isa che sono state un vero toccasana!!) e un inizio autunno alquanto triste, ecco che le mie settimane cominciano a riempirsi in modo rassicurante! Ecco un breve riassunto dei miei prossimi impegni:

• 25-28 ottobre: Belgio (per lavoro...ma forse riuscirò a incontrare Annemie, dopo 2 anni!!)
• 28-29 ottobre: visita della mitica Simona, guida spirituale mia e della Pollon-Silvia
• 30 ottobre-5 novembre: l'azienda chiude, forse mia madre riesce a passare una settimana con noi..altrimenti sarò io a scendere a Caserta
• 11-18 novembre (circa, date ancora da stabilire con precisione..tengo le dita incrociate per te, Vince!!): visita di Vincent, il mitico taiwanese che è ormai italiano d'adozione!!
• Paula, la mia ex-coinquilina finlandese, viene a Roma con la famiglia fino al 14 novembre...devo trovare un modo di andarla a trovare!
• 22-23 novembre: riceverò la visita mistica di Dio (haha no no non sono impazzata..non più del solito almeno!!)
• fine novembre: viaggio in Francia di lavoro (date da stabilire)
• 7-10 dicembre: Congresso di Nefrologia S.Carlo di Milano (Simoo Daniii tenetevi prooonteee per la serata pazzaaa!!)

E poi...Natale e Capodanno credo di passarli con la mia famiglia...direi che è la cosa più importante da fare, adesso.

Je viens de regarder le calendrier...après un été un peu plate (à part mes 2 semaines avec Isa qui ont été vraiment merveilleuses!!) et un début d'automne un peu triste, voilà mes semaines qui commencent à se remplir d'une façon très rassurante! Voilà un petit resumé de mes prochaines occupations:

• 25-28 octobre: Belgique (pour le travail...mais il se peut que je puisse rencontrer Annemie, après 2 ans!!)
• 28-29 octobre: visite de ma chère Simona, guide spirituelle, mienne et de Pollon-Silvia
• 30 octobre - 5 novembre: l'entreprise ferme, peut-etre que ma mère pourra venir passer une semaine avec nous...sinon j'y irai moi meme, à Caserta
• 11-18 novembre (à peu près, la période n'est pas encore certaine...je garde mes doigts croisés pour toi, Vince!!): visite de Vincent, le taiwanais qui est déshormais italien d'adoption!!
• Paula, mon ex-colocataire finlandaise, sera a Rome avec sa famille jusqu'au 14 novembre...je dois trouver une façon d'aller lui rendre visite!
• 22-23 novembre: je vais recevoir la visite mystique de Dieu (haha noon je ne suis pas devenue folle...pas plus que d'habitude au moins!!)
• Fin novembre: voyage en France pour le travail (période à établir)
• 7-10 décembre: Congrès de Néphrologie S.Carlo de Milan (Simooo Daniii préparez vous pour la soirée de folieeess!!)

Et puis...Noel et Fin de l'an, je crois que je vais les passer avec ma famille...c'est sans doute la chose la plus importante à faire maintenant.

I've just had a look at the calendar...after a dull summer (except my two weeks with Isa which were awesome!!) and a fall start a bit sad, now I see my weeks getting busier in a very comforting way! Herewith a short summary of my next occupations:

• 25-28 october: Belgium (for work...but I guess I will be meeting Annemie, after 2 years!!)
• 28-29 october: visit from my dear Simona, spiritual guide of mine, and of Pollon-Silvia
• 30 octobre - 5 novembre: the company closes for a week, maybe my mum will come to spend a week with us, or if she can't I'll be going to Caserta.
• 11-18 november (more or less...the period is not certain yet...I keep my fingers crossed for you, Vince!!): visit from Vincent, the taiwanese guy who's now italian by adoption!!
• Paula, my ex roommate from Finland is coming to Rome with her family until the 14th..I need to find a way to pay her a visit!!
• 22-23 november: I'll receive the mystical visit of God (haha no no I didn't go mad...not more than usual at least!!)
• 7-10 december: Nephrology Congress of S.Carlo in Milan (Simooo Daniii keep ready for the crazy night!!)

And then...Xmas and New Year's, I guess I'll be spending them with my family...I think it's the most important thing to do, now.

Smile like you mean it..

E in fin dei conti è fin troppo facile sfoderare un sorriso brillante con le persone che non ti conoscono. Quelle che sanno come sei veramente non fanno fatica a capirti fin dal primo sguardo. Silvia me l'ha detto stasera, "non sei più la stessa Ema di prima, sembri più stanca e più adulta, non ridi più tenendo la mano davanti al volto come per nasconderti, e sembri sempre assorta nei tuoi pensieri".
E' vero, ho bisogno di togliere un po' di peso di dosso e tornare ad essere la persona spensierata di prima. Ho voglia che questo periodo di buio passi quanto prima...ne ho un disperato bisogno...

Et en fin des comptes il est meme trop facile de sourire brillamment aux personne qui ne te connaissent guère. Celles qui savent comment tu es vraiment peuvent facilement te comprendre au premier regard.
Silvia me l'a dit ce soir, "tu n'es plus la meme Ema qu'avant, tu parait plus fatiguée et plus adulte, tu ne ris plus avec ta main devant ton visage comme pour te cacher, e tu sembles toujours perdue dans tes pensées".
C'est vrai, j'ai besoin d'enlever un peu du poids que j'ai dedans et de retourner à etre la personne sans soucis que j'étais. J'ai envie que cette période de ténebre passe le plus rapidement possible...j'en ai terriblement besoin...

And in the end it's far too easy to smile brightly to people who don't know you at all. Those who know how you really are can easily understand you at first sight.
Silvia told me tonight, "you're not the same Ema as before, you seem more tired and more adult, you don't laugh with your hand before your face as to hide yourself, and you seem always lost in your thoughts".
It's true, I need to get some of this load off my chest and to get back to the lively person I used to be. I want this period of darkness to be over as soon as possible....I terribly need it....

Viva la campagna!!

Lunedì parto tranquilla per l'aereoporto con mio padre; a metà strada mentre chiacchiero amabilmente, canticchio canzoncine e ballo leggiadramente in macchina incurante dello sguardo altrui (e soprattutto di quello di mio padre, preoccupato per la mia intergrità mentale), apro la borsa folgorata da un repentino flash e con voce flautata dico "Oh! ho dimenticato il cellulare in ufficio"...mio padre mi fulmina con lo sguardo. Torniamo indietro di corsa, entro in ufficio come un razzo, afferro il cellulare e risalgo in macchina, sperando di non essere in ritardo!! 45 minuti dopo sono al check in....chiuso da 2 minuti!! Noooo!! Mi metto a pregare la hostess in giapponese...non so come, riesce a farmi riaprire il volo, passo il controllo di corsa e salgo in aereo...aah!! e anche questa è fatta...All'arrivo a Toulouse, non contenta, prendo la macchina a noleggio e mi infilo in tangenziale: bloccata per lavori in corso, un traffico tremendo, la mia uscita era chiusa e ho dovuto prenderne un'altra. Morale: 2 ore per un percorso che normalmente prende una mezz'oretta massimo. Devo ricordarmene per quando devo riprendere l'aereo venerdì...Ma la sorpresa più bella è stata entrare nella camera d'albergo e scoprire che era infestata da cimici :/ mi sono svegliata 4 volte di notte per riuscire a catturarne 4 che svolazzavano. E ieri notte ce n'era ancora un'altra, gigante. Che orrore!!Per fortuna ieri sera ho avuto un piccolo diversivo andando a far visita a Mat a Agen! Buona la raclette...ma soprattutto ottima la compagnia e le chiacchiere!! Un po' peggiore è stato il risveglio stamattina, ma niente che un buon caffè non possa curare...eh? cosa? non c'è l'espresso qui!! noooo!! trauma :P Allora dovrò rimediare stasera con lo shopping ;) da brava, vera donna...Insomma, alla fine chi l'ha detto che un viaggio di lavoro deve essere incentrato SOLO sul lavoro? :D

Lundi, je pars tranquillement pour l'aéroport avec mon père; à moitié du parcours, pendant que je bavarde amaiblement, que je chantes des petites chansons, et que je danse armonieusement dans la voiture insouciante des regards des autres (et surtout de ce de mon père, préoccupé de mon intégrité mentale), j'ouvre mon sac comme foudroyée par un soudain flash, et avec une voix mélodieuse je dis "Oh! j'ai oublié mon portable dans mon bureau"...mon père me fusille au regard. Nous retournons rapidement en arrière, j'entre dans mon bureau à toute vitesse, je prends mon portable et je remonte en voiture, tout en espérant ne pas etre trop en retard!! 45 minutes après je suis au check-in...fermé il y a 2 minutes!! Nooon!! Je commence à prier la hostess en japonais...je ne sais pas comment, elle arrive à faire ouvrir le vol à nouveau, je passe le controle en courant et je monte sur l'avion...aah!! Et ça aussi, c'est fait...A mon arrivée à Toulouse, pas encore satisfaite, je loue une voiture et je me faufile dans la rocade: bloquée par des travaux. Un traffique horrible, ma sortie était fermée et j'ai du en prendre une autre. Morale: 2 heures pour un parcours que j'habitude ne prend qu'une demi heure maximum. Je dois m'en souvenir quand je devrai prendre l'avion vendredi soir...Mais la meilleure surprise a été entrer dans la chambre d'hotel et découvrir qu'il y avait plein de punaises :/ je me suis reveillée 4 fois pendant la nuit pour réussir à en capturer 4 qui s'envolaient. Et hier nuit il y en avait une autre, énorme.Quel horreur!!Heureusement hier soir j'ai eu une petite diversion en allant rendre visite à Mat à Agen! Très bonne la raclette...mais surtout fantastique la compagnie et les conversations!! Un peu pire c'était de se réveiller ce matin, mais rien qu'un bon café ne puisse soigner...eh? quoi? y a pas d'espresso ici!! noooo!! c'est traumatisant :PAlors je devrais récupérer ce soir avec du shopping ;) comme une vrai, sage femme...Eh bon, finalement qui a-t-il dit qu'un voyage de travail doit etre centré SEULEMENT sur le travail? :D

Monday, I leave quietly to the airport with my father; we drove for already half of the distance, while I was chatting pleasantly, singing some easy songs, and dancing in the car careless about the glares of other people (and above all my father's one, worried about my mental integrity), I open my bag, hit by a sudden flash, and with a sweet voice I say "Oh! I forgot my mobile phone in the office"..my father stares at me with hate. We get back hastily, I run into my office like a rocket, grab my mobile and back into the car, while praying not to be too late! 45 minutes later, I head to the check-in...closed 2 minutes earlier.!! Noooo!! I start to pray the hostess in japanese...I don't know how, she managed to re-open the flight, I pass running the control board,and I get in the plane..aah!! And this is done,too...Arrived in Toulouse, not yet satisfied, I rent a car and rush into the highway: blocked for maintenance works, a terrible traffic jam, my exit was closed so I had to take another one. End of the story: 2 hours for a road that normally takes no more than half an hour. I have to remember this when I'll have to take the plane on friday night...But the best surprise has been entering the hotel room and discovering it was full of those small green insects that smell bad when you smash them :/ I woke up 4 times in the night to manage to catch 4 of them flying around. And yesterday night there was one more, HUGE.Horrible!Happily yesterday evening I had a small distraction paying a visit to Mat in Agen! The raclette was good...but the company and the conversation were even better!! A little worse has been trying to wake up this morning, but it's nothing that can't be cured with a good coffee...eh? what? there's no espresso here!! nooo!! traumatising :PThis means I'll have to recover tonight with some shopping ;) like a real, good woman...In the end, who said that a work trip must be totally concentrated ONLY on work? :D

A lifetime of questions, tears on your cheek...

Ho un peso soffocante dentro di me, posizionato da qualche parte fra il cuore e lo stomaco...ed è come se si stesse espandendo senza lasciarmi il tempo di capire da cosa è originato.
Mi manca il respiro e so che non sono io la persona spenta seduta a questa scrivania che fa finta di lavorare sorridente come sempre. Quel sorriso non è il mio, non mi appartiene.
Forse avrei solo bisogno di piangere, un bel pianto lungo, liberatorio, alla fine del quale la stanchezza lascia il posto ad una tranquilla pace interiore.
La cosa peggiore, è che non riesco più a piangere...

J'ai un poids étouffant à l'intérieur de moi, positionné quelque part entre le coeur et l'estomac...et c'est comme s'il était en train de s'élargir sans me laisser le temps de comprendre la cause de son origine.
J'ai le souffle coupé et je sais que c'est pas moi la personne grise assise à ce bureau, qui fait semblant de travailler avec un sourire comme d'habitude. Ce sourire n'est pas à moi, il ne m'appartient pas.
Peut-etre j'aurais seulement besoin de pleurer, un bon pleur long, libérateur, à la fin duquel la fatigue laisse sa place à une tranquille paix intérieure.
La pire chose, c'est que j'arrive plus à pleurer...

I've got a smothering weight inside me, placed somewhere between the heart and the stomach...and it's like it's expanding without giving me the time to understand which is the cause of its origin.
I'm breathless and I know it's not me the dull person sitting at this desk, pretending to work as always with a smile. This smile is not mine, it doesn't belong to me.
Maybe I just need to cry, a good, long, cathartic cry after which a quiet inner peace replaces the weariness.
The worst thing is, that I don't manage to cry anymore...

Surprise!!

Domenica sera ero intenta in attività mooolto impegnative, appollaiata sul divano con della buona musica in sottofondo, TV accesa per decorazione, tanti cuscini comodi dietro la schiena e il computer acceso, mentre chiacchieravo amabilmente con una persona particolarmente interessante. Ed ecco che squilla il telefono..la Silvia! sapevo che doveva tornare domenica ma a Roma, e che non sarebbe stata a casa prima di lunedì (cioè ieri).
Ho risposto al telefono: "Silvietta, ciao!!"
lei "Amo' dove sei?"
io "A casa"
lei "allora apri, sono davanti alla tua porta!!"
Ore 10h00 di sera...non potevo ricevere una sopresa migliore!! Dopo 5 mesi di lontananza finalmente il Condor e il Pappagallo si ricongiungono!! E questo fine settimana...festeggiamenti NON STOP!! :D

Dimanche soir j'étais en train de me dédier à des activités fort difficiles, bien assise sur mon sofa avec de la bonne musique en sousfond, télé allumée en guise de décoration, plein de coussins comfortables derrier mon dos et l'ordinateur allumé, pendant que je causais avec une personne particulièrement intéressante. Et voilà mon téléphone qui sonne...c'était Silvia! Je savais qu'elle devait retourner dimanche, mais à Rome, et qu'elle n'aurait pas été à la maison avant lundi (hier).
J'ai répondu au téléphone: "Silvietta, salut!!"
elle: "T'es où?"
moi:"Chez moi"
elle:"alors ouvre moi, je suis devant ta porte!!"
10h00 du soir...je ne pouvais recevoir une meilleure surprise!! Après 5 mois de distance finalement le Condor et le Perroquet se réunissent!! Et ce weekend....faut feter SANS ARRET!! :D

Sunday evening I was quietly spending my time in highly committing activities, nestled on the sofa with some good music as a background, TV on just to decorate, plenty of comfy pillows behind my back and the pc on, while I was talking with a particularly interesting person. And suddenly the phone rings...Silvia! I knew she had to get back on sunday, but in Rome, and that she wouldn't have been home before monday (yesterday).
I picked up the call: "Silvietta, hi!!"
she:" Where are you?"
me:" At home"
she:" so come let me in, I'm right out your door!!"
10h00pm...I couldn't receive a better surprise!! After 5 months of distance finally the Condor and the Parrot are reunited!! And this weekend...party NON STOP!! :D

Il y a des salauds...

Haha fa piacere entrare in ufficio, trovarvi l'omino dell'assistenza tecnica che ti mangia con gli occhi e ti dice "ooh buongiorno, vedo che i gerani sul balcone stanno bene"
...attimo di silenzio...
Mi accorgo che non ho capito la battuta, prendo tempo, ma vedo i suoi occhi su cosa si posano.
Bastardo!...i gerani..il balcone...ma è tutto chiaro!!! Lo guardo tranquilla e gli dico "complimenti, hai trovato un modo carino per dirmi che ho delle belle tette, tu invece hai una maglietta rosa da metrosexual"
Stavolta è lui a non aver capito...sfigato!! :P

Haha ça fait plaisir d'entrer dans le bureau et y trouver le mec de l'assistance technique qui te dévore des yeux et te dit "ooh bonjour, je vois que les géraniums sur le balcon vont bien"
...moment de silence...
Je m'aperçois que j'ai pas compris la blague, je prends du temps, mais je vois sur quoi se posent ses yeux. Salaud!...les géraniums...le balcon...mais c'est clair!!! Je le regarde tranquille et je luis dis "compliments, t'as trouvé une façon gentille de me dire que j'ai des beaux seins, toi au contraire t'as une t-shirt rose de metrosexual"
Cette fois c'est lui à ne pas avoir compris...loser!! :P

Haha it's a pleasure to enter the office and find there the guy of the technical service eyeing you greedily and saying you "oooh good morning, I see the geraniums on the balcony are fine"
...silence...
I notice I didn't get the joke, I take some time, but I see where his eyes are staring. Bastard!...the geraniums...the balcony...it's crystal clear!!! I stare back at him quietly and tell him "congrats, you found a nice way to tell me I've got cute tits, on the contrary your pink shirt is a bit too metrosexual"
This time, it's his turn not to understand...loser!! :P

"E come un alito di vento può cambiare la mia vita...

"E come un alito di vento può cambiare la mia vita
lo so solo io adesso."
E' il pezzo di una poesia che ho scritto un paio di anni fa, quando la mia vita era più ricca, più intensa, quando avevo intorno persone che erano apparenetemente estranee per me, ma talmente importanti da riempirmi ogni istante. L'ho scritta durante il mio periodo ad Angers, e a queste parole ritorno con la mente ogni volta che qualcosa arriva di colpo nella mia vita e porta conseguenze inaspettate. Una sorta di "butterfly effect", un piccolo, minimo evento che tuttavia sconvolge la mia esistenza.
E' capitato, qualche mese fa. Una telefonata, un sospetto, alcune visite di routine che hanno dato risultati strani. E poi la conferma, atroce, spietata. E così la persona che amo di più al mondo dopo mia madre, è precipitata in un baratro da cui è difficile uscire. Tre piccole parole, con un potere tremendo, quello di togliere il respiro e la speranza. Tre piccole parole che impediscono di vedere il futuro. Tre piccole parole...Cancro Al Cervello. La farfalla ha lasciato in un battito d'ali tre piccole paroline a decidere il futuro di una famiglia.
E non si discute se questo sia giusto o sbagliato. Accade. E bisogna andare avanti fino a quando il prossimo battito d'ali cambierà per sempre la direzione della nostra esistenza.

"Et comme un souffle de vent peut changer ma vie
c'est seulement moi qui le sait, maintenant."
C'est le morceau d'un poème que j'ai écrit il y a 2 ans, quand ma vie était plus riche, plus intense, quand j'avais autour de moi personnes qui étaient apparemment des étrangers pour moi, mais tellement importants qu'ils remplissaient tous mes instants. Je l'ai écrite pendant ma période à Angers, et c'est à ces mots que je reviens avec mes pensées à chaque fois que quelque chose se passe soudain dans ma vie en apportant des conséquences inattendues. Une sorte d'"effet papillon", un tout petit événement qui bouleverse cependant mon existence.
Il est arrivé, il y a quelques mois. Un coup de fil, un doute, quelques visites de routine qui ont donné des résultats bizarres. Et puis la confirmation, terrible, sans pitié. Comme ça la personne que j'aime le plus au monde après ma mère, est tombée dans un trou noir duquel il est difficile de s'en sortir. Trois petits mots, avec un énorme pouvoir, ce de couper le souffle et l'espoir. Trois petits mots qui empèchent de voir le futur. Trois petits mots...Cancer Du Cerveau. Le papillon a laissé dans un battement d'ailes trois petits mots à décider le futur d'une famille.
Et je ne discute pas s'il est juste ou pas. Il arrive. Et il faut procéder, jusqu'à quand le prochain battement d'ailes changera à tout jamais la direction de notre existence.

"And how a wind blow can change my life
it's only me who know it, now"
It's a piece of a poem I wrote two years ago, when my life was richer, more intense, when I had all around me people who were appearently strangers for me, but so important that they filled each one of my moments. I wrote it during my stay in Angers, and my mind goes to these words everytime something suddenly happens in my life, bringing unexpected consequences. A sort of "butterfly effect", a small, tiny event which nonetheless shatters my existence.
It happened, some months ago. A phone call, a doubt, some routine visits which gave weird results. And then the confirmation, terrible and merciless. This was the person I love most second to my mother only has fallen in a black hole which is difficult to come out from. Two little words, with an enormous power, the power of taking the breath away, along with the hope. Two little words which prevent from seeing future. Two little words...Brain Cancer. The butterfly has brought in a flutter of wings two little words to decide the future of a family.
And I don't debate whether this is right or not. It happens. And we need to go on, until the next flutter of wings will change our life's direction for good.

Un nuovo blog...

Non ne potevo più del blog di msn spaces...davvero, avevo raggiunto livelli di pazienza inimmaginabili e ormai era da mesi che non ci scrivevo più nulla.
Ma il desiderio di rimettere le mani sui tasti del computer per raccontare quelli che sono i miei pensieri ha prevalso. In fin dei conti, a che pro tenere tutto dentro e rompere le scatole a tutti coloro che mi stanno intorno se posso tranquillamente liberarmi lo spirito riassumendone il contenuto in poche righe che qualcuno leggerà, qualcuno ignorerà e qualcun altro invece farà sue?
Sono tante le cose che sono successe da quando ho smesso di scrivere. E forse è anche il fatto di aver smesso di scrivere ad aver contribuito al mio malessere interiore...
Chi l'avrebbe mai detto che un blog può essere una cura alle paranoie? :)

J'en avais marre de mon blog de msn spaces...vraiment, ma patience était arrivée à la limite complète, et c'était depuis longtemps que je n'écrivais plus rien.
Mais le désir de remettre mes mains sur les touches du clavier pour raconter mes pensées s'en est sorti plus puissant que jamais. En fin des comptes, à quoi bon garder tout dedans et faire chier tous ceux qui ont la malchance de se trouver autour de moi, si je peux tranquillement libérer mon esprit en resumant son contenu en quelques lignes que quelcun lira, quelcun ignorera, et quelcun d'autre gardera dans soi?
Y a plein de choses qui se sont passées depuis que j'ai arreté d'écrire. Et il se peut que ce soit aussi le fait d'avoir arreté d'écrire qui a contribué à mon malaise intérieur....
Qui aurait dit qu'un blog peut etre une cure contre le paranoia? :)

I couldn't stand my blog on msn spaces anymore...indeed, my patience had reached the extreme limit, and it was since long that I didn't write anymore.
Yet, the wish to put again my hands on my pc keyboard to express my thoughts overcame everything. In the end, what's the point in keeping all inside and piss everyone around me off, if I can just quietly free my spirit resuming everything in a couple of lines that someone will read, someone will ignore, and someone else will keep for them?
There's plenty of events which happened since I stopped writing. And maybe the fact to have stopped writing has contributed to my inner discomfort...
Who could ever imagine a blog could be a good cure against paranoia? :)