Words - disconnected mental flow

Lately, some people have told me I am good in writing. They said I have a good skill in communicating feelings through words. I don't know about this, feelings are something so personal, so delicate yet sometimes so strong that they escape my control and I just don't notice it. They get intertwined with words, they pour out from my fingertips and carved into paper, or into the virtual sheet of a pc screen.
Somehow everything I write has a part of me. And it's the best way I have to express myself. Probably not the most spontaneous, I admit it. But I live in a continuous, paradoxal fight between heart and mind. I don't know if I should define myself as a thought-driven person, or rather instinct-driven.
I tend to do what I feel like in that very moment, and then getting lost in thoughts afterwards. Actually, I don't even know why I am writing this. What is the purpose of all this blabbering? It's probably coz I have to chase away some lingering uneasiness.
Why o why do I always have to mess with my own life? why do I have to let hopes prevail?
And why do I have to take things too seriously?
I have the power of bringing together words and matching them to give a proper sense of what happens inside of me, yet I can't find out any good answer for the previous questions. I guess I just need to pour out nonsenses just to fill some gaps.
To fill the gap of silence.
I love silence and I hate silence. I love when silence allows me to focus on the darkest parts of me. I love when I can just get lost in silence. Yet, I hate when silence is made of implicit statements that I can't grab. That's why I always feel the need of talking when it comes to serious matters. And I always end up appearing like a psycho wanting to be in the center of the attention.

Whereas all I would like is some sincerity.
Respect.
And maybe a little happiness....