Ema in Wonderland

Striked...

2007-12-11T19:48:00.000+01:00

Ho passato 30 minuti in coda in centro a Mirandola, lungo la strada principale, vedevo alcuni agenti della polizia affaccendarsi intorno alle macchine ferme, farle scorrere avanti poco a poco. La mia mente già cominciava a figurarsi un incidente, o qualche altro problema simile...e invece...erano tutte macchine in coda per la benzina. Arrivata davanti al distributore, sento la gente urlare che il gasolio è esaurito, penso a mio fratello: avrà fatto il pieno? E il pensiero subito mi salta a Lorenzo...ce l'avrà fatta l'amore mio a mettere un po' di benza o va a finire che domani non ci vediamo causa serbatoio vuoto? Aiuto che confusione...benzina razionalizzata. Il benzinaio mi dice che più di 20€ non può mettermi perchè il carburante è razionato. Andiamo bene...Mezz'ora di coda per un ventino...e io che ingenuamente speravo nel pieno! Che illusa...
Ora, non voglio sfociare nella discussione politica, ma vi sembra forse il caso di gestire uno sciopero? Un po' come la situazione francese...un intero paese paralizzato per una categoria di lavoratori che sciopera. Come se tutti gli altri invece di motivi per protestare non ne avessero neanche uno. Io sono contro gli scioperi, a meno che non siano costruttivi. Uno sciopero dev'essere una manifestazione di malcontento, non una sadica dimostrazione del potere che ha un certo gruppo di lavoratori di mettere in ginocchio le altre persone. Non è nemmeno giusto che una protesta ottenga dei risultati solo quando si rischia il collasso. I pensionati, che avrebbero anch'essi motivo di protestare, quando lo fanno vengono bellamente ignorati. O diventano oggetto di (im)pietosi articoli giornalistici. Senza alcun risultato. Ma i trasportatori, loro sì, loro possono bloccare l'Italia...per quanto tempo? non si sa, a seconda di come tira il vento...e tutto per far valere i diritti di un ristretto gruppo di lavoratori. E agli altri italiani chi ci pensa??

Ognuno deve pensare per sè, come sempre...

Oggi

2007-12-05T18:12:00.000+01:00

Bilancio della giornata di oggi:
- sono riuscita dopo settimane ad andare dal gommista per gonfiare i pneumatici ormai a terra...adesso sì che la mia Corsina va che è una meraviglia!!
- al lavoro no comment...giornata standard, stamattina goliardia sociale e nel pomeriggio ho dato libero sfogo alle mie attitudini artistiche riproducendo in un ardito fotomontaggio le fattezze di un nostro caro conoscente...
- stasera mi farò perdonare dal mio tesoro per il fatto che ieri non ci siamo sentiti per telefono perchè mi sono persa a guardare le foto a casa della Silvia...che svampita!!

Today:
- I managed, after so many weeks, to go to the tyre changer to inflate my tyres that were soo flat...now my sweet Corsa runs like a Ferrari!!
- no comments for my day at work...a normal day, this morning I socialized with colleagues and in the afternoon I let my artistic skills flow free and reproduce in a smart paste-up the character of one of our dear acquaintance...
- tonight I'll make my sweetheart forgive me because yesterday night we didn't talk on the phone as I got lost in looking at Silvia's pictures at her place...I'm oh so nutty!

La signora Riina è risentita...

2007-12-05T12:05:00.000+01:00

La televisione italiana di solito ci propina una serie di fiction televisive di vario genere e spesso di dubbio gusto, che l'annoiato telespettatore si sorbisce, spesso più per mancanza di alternative che per reale interesse. Ultimamente, la programmazione di Canale 5 ha presentato la fiction "Il capo dei capi", storia di Totò Riina, dalla sua gioventù all'ascesa come capo della mafia, alla lotta che grandi personaggi hanno compiuto contro la penetrazione della mafia non solo nella società civile quanto anche nel mondo politico (e parlo di Carlo Alberto Dalla Chiesa, che mio padre ha avuto la fortuna di conoscere e in onore della cui seconda moglie sono stata chiamata Emanuela, di Giovanni Falcone, Paolo Borsellino e di tutti coloro che sono stati immolati per cercare di sradicare questo governo parallelo votato alla criminalità che è la mafia). Ovviamente, in una rappresentazione televisiva concentrata sulla vita di un capo mafioso, non ci si poteva esimere dal mostrare scene in cui compariva la moglie di Riina, la signora Ninetta Bagarella. Non che questo significhi che la signora in questione prendesse parte alle attività malavitose del marito, ma ovviamente il rapporto matrimoniale implica un coinvolgimento, fosse anche solo di supporto sentimentale ad un marito che sicuramente la signora Bagarella sapeva non essere un santo.
Ad ogni modo, la cara signora ha sguinzagliato i suoi avvocati e ha denunciato Canale 5 e i produttori della fiction "Il capo dei capi" per "danno all'immagine" e pretende ora un risarcimento. Un risarcimento per aver utilizzato la sua persona collegandola alle attività criminose del marito.
Signora, cosa ci possiamo fare noi se ha sposato un mafioso? Poteva pensarci prima...scommetto che finchè era in libertà a lei andava benissimo di comparire come moglie sua...e adesso? Adesso chiede il risarcimento...andiamo bene!
La coraggiosissima Stefania Petix, inviata di Striscia la Notizia, in un servizio andato in onda ieri sera è andata a Corleone (PA) alla ricerca della Signora Ninetta, per chiedere delucidazioni su tutto questo risentimento. L'omertà si respirava anche attraverso lo schermo di un televisore, il nome della via cancellato dalla lastra che dovrebbe indicare il luogo...e un citofono con un nome sopra, Riina. Stefania suona, più e più volte. Qualcuno si affaccia a vedere di cosa si tratta, ma nessuno apre, nessuno dice niente. "Siamo di Striscia, Signora Nina apra, vorremmo parlare con lei di questo problema dell'immagine", chiede cortesemente ma con fermezza Stefania. All'ennesima scampanellata a vuoto, Stefania si spazientisce, e prorompe in una dichiarazione molto forte, che ha l'impatto di una bomba in una città come Corleone. Senza paura, senza esitazione, le parole sono taglienti mentre si rivolge alla telecamera, ai telespettatori e a tutti coloro che, intorno a lei, ascoltano nascosti dietro le finestre: "Non avete idea di quante volte nella vita ci siamo sentiti dire mafiosi solo per il fatto di essere siciliani. E allora forse un danno all'immagine reale l'abbiamo avuto noi siciliani non mafiosi. Per non parlare del danno economico: la mafia ci costa 7 miliardi di euro l'anno, cioè non avremmo sotto-sviluppo se non fosse per questi soldi. E in ultimo, ma non meno importante, il danno morale: riflettiamo un attimo su quanto ci è costata moralmente la mafia per averci tolto, ucciso, le persone migliori, le persone più grandi, quelle che hanno combattuto la mafia, cioè le vere vittime di mafia".
Poche parole per dire tutto ciò che conta. Il vero coraggio non è far parte della mafia, il vero coraggio consiste nell'opporsi. Brava Stefania!

Se volete visualizzare il video: http://www.striscialanotizia.mediaset.it/news/2007/12/04/news_2624.shtml
e cliccate su "guarda il filmato"

2012

2007-11-27T19:48:00.000+01:00

Ok, bene...ehm...mancano solo...quanti, 4 anni? 4 anni e un po'.
E poi si festeggia!! Cosa? La fine del mondo, no?? che domande...
Non voglio urtare la sensibilità di nessuno, ma trovo che sia estremamente irritante vedere l'allarmismo generato da una delle tante profezie di apocalisse e sventura per il genere umano. Che gli uomini fossero pessimisti, catastrofisti e anche un po' feticisti del malsano si sapeva già. Ma che cerchino a tutti i costi di sapere quanto accadrà la fine del mondo, mi sembra a dir poco esagerato.
Insomma, non bastano gli esempi di tutte le millantate sciagure clamorosamente smentite dal semplice trascorrere del tempo (e basta semplicemente effettuare qualche breve ricerca su internet per rendersene conto)...no, dobbiamo sempre andare a cercare il brivido della nuova Apocalisse, forse per poter dire "io c'ero!"...

Ok, well...ehm...only...how many, 4 years? 4 years and a bit missing.
And then, we'll celebrate? What for? The end of the world, of course! dumb questions...
I don't want to hurt anyone's sensitivity, but I find way too irritating to see the general alarmism created by one out of many apocalyptic prophecies of plight for Humans. We were already aware than men were pessimists, catastrophists and even slightly noxiousness-fetishists. However, seeing they try to know when the end of the world will come, come hell or high water, seems to be alarming, to say the least. All of the examples of mock disgraces sensationally denied by the simple ticking of time are not enough (and just have a small search on the net to check about this...)...no, we always have to look for the thrill of the new Apocalypse, maybe to be able to say "I was there!"...

A song roaming in my mind...

2007-10-29T10:06:00.000+01:00

Mareluna

Stanotte questa luna
c'illumina, la mia vita e la tua.
La casa sulla duna, lontana è la città
Il mare ci porterà via, via
Mareluna, questa notte sarai mia ancora
Fino a che la luce arriva e allora
La luna se ne andrà
Mareluna questo amore ci sconvolge ancora
Fino a che arriverà l'aurora
Ma il mare resterà
Mareluna...

Seamoon

Tonight this moon
shines on my life and yours
The house's on the dune, the city's far away
The sea will take us away, away
Seamoon, this night you'll be mine again
Until the light comes and then
The moon will fade away
Seamoon, this love overwhelms us
Until the dawn comes
But the sea will stay
Seamoon...

...my voice found the words I sought

2007-10-22T14:39:00.000+02:00

E' pazzesco, sono andata a rileggere alcune vecchie e-mail, reminiscenze del mio passato, di sentimenti sopiti dal passare del tempo, inquietanti fantasmi che temevo potessero ancora aleggiare intorno a me. Sono andata a scavare nel passato e l'ho fatto con veemenza, l'ho fatto per mettermi alla prova, l'ho fatto per me stessa e per la persona che è accanto a me adesso e che amo.
L'ho fatto e i fantasmi son svaniti, come polvere di talco sulle dita, un leggero profumo che ricorda tempi passati ma senza amarezze, senza rimpianti, senza nostalgie, senza il desiderio di tornare indietro. Polvere di talco delicata ed evanescente, un soffio leggero e tutto svanisce.
Sono felice, sono entusiasta, sono commossa. Ho voglia di gridarla al mondo, questa mia piccola scommessa, stupida, insignificante, inutile forse. Ma no, non per me.
Amo, e sono riamata. Sono felice. Le insidie del passato non esistono più, e ne sono certa.

E tutto questo grazie a te, Amore mio.

It's crazy. I went back to some old mails, memories of my past, of sleeping feelings left in the maze of time, scary ghosts that I feared could still linger around me. I digged in my past and I did it violently, I did it to test myself, I did it for myself and for the person who's by my side now and whom I love.
I did it and ghosts faded away, just like talcum powder on the fingers, a light smell that reminds of past times but bitterless, regretless, without the desire of getting back in time. Delicate talcum powder, evanescent, a light blow and everything fades away.
I'm happy, enthousiastic, I'm moved. I want to scream it to the world, this small bet of mine, so stupid, meaningless, useless maybe. No, not for me.
I love and I'm loved. I'm happy. All of the past hidden dangers don't exist anymore, and I'm certain.

And all this thanks to you, my Love.

Absence

2007-07-12T09:24:00.000+02:00

Wow that has been a long time absence from my blog...I had lost almost all kind of interest in writing up there, I guess I just had something way better to do that just staying here typing out my words.
But I just can't get rid of the power of words, so I'm right on the edge: should I restart or should I just forget about it and start writing something more concrete? (How about a book?!?)
I guess this sudden will of getting my blog back to life comes from my jealousy. Yeah I'm jealous of all the other blogs so nice and cute and interesting and visited.
Ok now that's crap :)

Be back sometimes soon...or who knows?

Pour Tchendoh

2007-03-31T14:49:00.000+02:00

...et comme y a qq1 (voir titre du post) qui n'arrive pas à comprendre l'italien et chiale pis m'enlève de son blogroll, alors voilà que j'ai traduit le poème du post en bas en français. Tchendoh, dis pas que je mérite pas de me trouver dans ton blogroll là! :P Je suis trop gentille moi, je me préoccupe que les gens me comprennent...

La fête s’arrête.
Le silence enivre
l’espace de la salle.
Et le dernier invité
s’en va.
Seuls les musiciens
restent sur scène.
Un dernier accord
se lève dans l’air.
Et resone,
déshormais lointain
dans la mémoire des hommes,
comme une mélodie
oubliée.
Il est temps de partir.
Et le dernier musicien
s’en va.
L’accord s’éteint.

Il risultato di un viaggio in treno

2007-03-29T15:02:00.000+02:00

Quando scrivo, difficilmente mi fermo a riflettere sulle parole. Una ad una risalgono in superficie nel modo più spontaneo possibile. Per questo motivo quando scrivo una poesia sono comunque assai restia a chiamarla tale. Poesia. Si pensa subito a tutto ciò che stilisticamente compone una poesia, alla metrica, al ritmo creato dall'utilizzo di rime. Sono affascinata da questo tipo di struttura, ma sono incapace di incasellare i miei pensieri in qualcosa di rigido. Mi è difficile seguirli, sono come bambini capricciosi che hanno ricevuto troppa libertà, e ora che sono adolescenti è difficile tenerli a freno. Allo stesso modo mi piace che le mie composizioni siano altrettanto libere da schemi, che la scrittura prosegua sciolta come guidata da un filo che tirato poco a poco rivela uno dopo l'altro i componenti di una frase, poi di un'altra e un'altra ancora. Fino alla fine.
E non esiste un momento particolare in cui mi siedo e scrivo. Arriva come un fulmine a ciel sereno, se mi è concesso l'utilizzo di questo banale modo di dire. Possono passare mesi senza che io tocchi un pezzo di carta e scriva. Venerdì scorso in treno l'avevo già tutta dentro. Ho solo dovuto cercare un pezzo di carta e una matita, e mettere giù in pochi minuti una piccola parte di me a parole.

La festa si ferma.
Il silenzio inebria
lo spazio della sala.
E l'ultimo invitato
se ne va.
Solo i musicisti
restano in scena.
Un ultimo accordo
si alza nell'aria.
E risuona,
ormai lontano
nella memoria degli uomini,
quale una melodia
dimenticata.

E' tempo di partire.
E l'ultimo musicista
se ne va.
L'accordo si spegne.

Ed io avrò cura di te...

2007-03-14T15:38:00.000+01:00

...I slowly saw it grow,
this dream.
Silk sensation:
this dream was slipping
away.
Yesterday,
I was all wrapped up
in silk.
I could feel it
on my lips,
in my eyes,
on my heart,
in my hands.
I grabbed it.
The Dream.

Da ieri sera non faccio che pensare ad una canzone, che da sempre rappresenta per me questo sogno in cui ieri ho avuto il piacere di lasciarmi affondare. Sempre più giù, non ho più paura, adesso.

Ti proteggerò

dalle paure delle ipocondrie,

dai turbamenti che da oggi

incontrerai per la tua via.

Dalle ingiustizie e dagli inganni

del tuo tempo,

dai fallimenti che per tua natura

normalmente attirerai.

Ti solleverò dai dolori

e dai tuoi sbalzi d'umore,

dalle ossessioni delle tue manie.

Supererò le correnti gravitazionali,

lo spazio e la luce

per non farti invecchiare.

E guarirai da tutte le malattie,

perché sei un essere speciale,

ed io, avrò cura di te.

Vagavo per i campi del Tennessee

(come vi ero arrivato, chissà).

Non hai fiori bianchi per me?

Più veloci di aquile i miei sogni

attraversano il mare.

Ti porterò soprattutto

il silenzio e la pazienza.

Percorreremo assieme

le vie che portano all'essenza.

I profumi d'amore

inebrieranno i nostri corpi,

la bonaccia d'agosto

non calmerà i nostri sensi.

Tesserò i tuoi capelli

come trame di un canto.

Conosco le leggi del mondo,

e te ne farò dono.

Supererò le correnti gravitazionali,

lo spazio e la luce

per non farti invecchiare.

Ti salverò da ogni malinconia,

perché sei un essere speciale

ed io avrò cura di te...

io sì, che avrò cura di te.
F.Battiato - La Cura -

Grazie Lorenzo.

Penso...

2007-03-07T15:12:00.000+01:00

...che sono da tempo assetata della bellezza dei sentimenti ma...
...che questa bellezza me la sono spesso inventata e di conseguenza...

...penso di essermi preclusa a lungo la vera e libera essenza dei sentimenti.

Penso:
...che dovrei decidermi a viverli davvero quello che provo, perchè penso...
...di aver dedicato troppo tempo a rincorrere la mia libertà.

Penso:
...di essere una persona indipendente, la cui indipendenza genera dipendenza dalla libertà.
E paura di tutto ciò che può considerarsi un legame.

Penso:
...che a quasi 24 anni sono cresciuta abbastanza per scrollarmi di dosso questa paura.

...che annegare nel mare delle sensazioni sia il modo migliore per morire e rinascere.

Penso:
...che non potrei mai smettere di pensare neanche se lo volessi con tutta me stessa.
E sono fiera di poter dire che gli ingranaggi del mio cervello sono sempre ben oliati.

Fin troppo.

Penso:
...che potrei dire meno cazzate e pensarne anche meno.
Ma le mie cazzate fanno parte di me come il mio naso, i miei occhi, la mia bocca, il mio cuore e il mio sangue. Anzi, sono nel mio sangue. L'emoglobina che porta ossigeno ai neuroni.

Penso:
...di essere solare, aperta, vivace, chiacchierona, allegra, arguta, generosa, amichevole, sincera.
...di essere ombrosa, misteriosa, solitaria, silenziosa, malinconica, banale, egoista, scontrosa, bugiarda.

E in fin dei conti, penso sia proprio questa la mia ricchezza...
Una manciata di monetine lanciate su un marciapiede. Pochi si fermano a raccoglierne.
Quasi nessuno ne comprende il valore.

---------------------------

I think...
....that I'm since long thirsty of the beauty of feelings but...
...that I often invented this beauty and as a result...

...I think I have prevented myself for long from the real and free essence of feelings.

I think:
...I should decide to really live what I feel, because I think...
...I have dedicated too much time to my quest for freedom.

I think:
...I am an independent person, whose independence generates dependence from freedom.
And fear of everything that can be considered a link.

I think:
...that approaching 24, I am old enough to get rid of this fear.

...that drowning in the sea of sensations is the best way to die and live again.

I think:
...I would never be able to stop thinking not even if I wanted it with all myself.
And I'm proud to say my brain's gears are always well oiled.

Perhaps too well.

I think:
...I could talk crap less and think it even less.
But my crap is part of me just like my nose, my eyes, my mouth, my heart, my blood. Or better, it's in my blood. The haemoglobine bringing oxygen to my neurons.

I think:
...I am bright, open, lively, talkative, joyful, witty, generous, friendly, sincere.
...I am shadowy, mysterious, lonely, silent, melancholic, dull, selfish, irritating, liar.

And all in all, I think this is exactly my main richness.
A bunch of coins thrown on a walkway. Few people stop to pick them up.
Almost noone understands their value.

E a proposito di traduzioni...

2007-03-02T16:08:00.000+01:00

Lorenz mi ha chiesto l'altro di giorno di cominciare a scrivere un po' di più in italiano su questo blog. La sua richiesta, unita al fatto che non faccio altro (o quasi) durante il giorno che scrivere e parlare in lingue diverse dall'italiano, mi ha portato a pensare che potrei tradurre alcune delle cose più significative che ho qui scritto, ma solo in inglese.
Pochi giorni fa, un momento di serenità di quelli intensi, senza una ragione particolare a decretarne l'arrivo, ma intenso e vibrante.
Ho scritto poche righe per racchiuderlo. In inglese, ovviamente. Ed eccole in italiano.

Appena uscita,
la pioggia mi ha colpito in viso.
Ero in piedi, da sola
e ho chiuso gli occhi.
Ero in piedi, da sola
mentre la pioggia scendeva
su di me.
Ero lì, sola,
ed ero felice.

Nocturne

2007-03-02T15:52:00.000+01:00

Le ciel nocturne et bas s'éblouit de la ville
Et mon cœur bat d'amour à l'unisson des vies
Qui animent la ville au-dessous des grands cieux
Et l'allument le soir sans étonner nos yeux

Les rues ont ébloui le ciel de leurs lumières
Et l'esprit éternel n'est que par la matière
Et l'amour est humain et ne vit qu'en nos vies
L'amour cet éternel qui meurt inassouvi

- Guillaume Apollinaire-

Merci Pascal, ce poème m'est entré droit dans le coeur.
Ho cercato in qualche modo di tradurlo in italiano, ben consapevole di quant'io possa essere maldestra con le rime. L'abilità con le parole non costituisce garanzia di buona riuscita quando si intende trasmettere non solo il senso ma le sensazioni derivate da una poesia, in una lingua diversa da quella in cui il componimento è nato. E forse è per questo che detesto le traduzioni...
E ne sono al contempo attratta, in perfetta armonia con i miei controsensi.
Io ci ho provato.

Notturno

Il cielo notturno e basso s’inebria della città
E il mio cuore batte d’amore all’unisono con le vite
Che animano la città al di sotto dei grandi cieli
E la accendono di sera senza stupire i nostri occhi

Le strade hanno abbagliato il cielo con le loro luci
E lo spirito eterno non esiste che attraverso la materia
E l’amore è umano e non vive che nelle nostre vite
L’amore, questo eterno che muore insoddisfatto.

Camera Café (più o meno...)

2007-02-26T11:06:00.000+01:00

Un breve excursus nelle massime da non dimenticare in quasi due anni di lavoro...

In ufficio:
Ema: "Del resto, repetita iuvant, no?"
Gra: "Ah non so, io tifo Milan"

Alla macchina del caffé:
Ema: "Dimenticavo che tu prendi il caffé americano"
Céline: "Già, a me piacciono le cose lunghe"

Voci di corridoio:
M.: "Io se potessi scegliere rinascerei ròia che l'amore è roba da coglioni!!"

La domanda di rito del lunedì:
Roby: "Ciao Manu, allora hai trombato questo weekend?"

Telefonate Mistiche:
Ema: "Pronto?"
Michele: "Ciao, mi hai riconosciuto?"
Ema: "Certo!"
Michele: "Sono il tuo spirito guida!!"

Hollywood (de noantri!):
Boss: "Allora questo film, come procede?"
William: "Benissimo!"
Ema: "Io sono l'attrice principale"
Boss: "E ha un titolo?"
Michele: "Abbiam deciso di chiamarlo "Lynda e le 4 pompe""
(nda: Lynda è il nome della macchina...e 4 sono le pompe che regolano la movimentazione dei fluidi e del sangue...non pensate subito male!!!)

Ignoranza...
Ema: "Carlo, non so niente di chimica, mi spieghi qualcosa?"
Carlo: "Certo, cominciamo da robe facili, la legge di Lewis sugli acidi e le basi"
Ema: "Ma cosa si intende per acidi e basi?"
Carlo: "Ok, a te manca proprio l'alfabeto"
(grande Oracolo!!)

A Parigi:
Patrick: "Ma non sei la ragazza di Maurizio tu?"
Ema: "Certo che no, sono solo una sua collega!"
Emmanuel: "Bene, allora ci posso provare!!"

A Parigi 2:
Ema: "Dai ragazzi, basta con questi discorsi da uomini, c'è una donna fra di voi"
Emmanuel: "Va bene, parliamo d'amore..cos'è per te l'amore?"
Ema: "Odi et amo, quare id faciam fortasse requiris. Nescio, sed fieri sentior. Et excrucior"
Emmanuel "......"
Frédéric: "E' italiano?"
Ema: "No è Latino, Caio Valerio Catullo. Significa "Odio e amo, mi chiedi insistentemente come io possa farlo. Non lo so, ma mi accade. E soffro"
Emmanuel: "....."
Christophe: "Merda, le donne intelligenti sono fastidiose!!"
Frédéric: "Almeno non è bionda..."

Lezioni di vita:
Ema: "...e dire che queste cose si sanno, non doveva fare così"
Graziella: "ah noi gliel'abbiam detto, ma forse ha capito "mettiti a 90 gradi che c'è il toro dietro che arriva!"

Amnesie:
Luca: "Oh Maurizio, stavo parlando lì, con la cosa, lì, con lei, sul discorso dei cateteri"
Ema: "Come con la cosa, con lei?? Ti ho fatto anche gli occhi dolci per non farti incazzare e non ricordi neanche il mio nome?"
Maurizio: "Vergògnati!"

Il nostro motto scacciapensieri:
Roby: "Direi che è giunto il momento del..."
Ema: "Vai Roby, deliziaci!"
Roby: "...vir' o mare quant'è beeellll', spira tant' sentimieeeeent!!"

To Isa & Paula

2007-02-21T19:21:00.000+01:00

We were three, we knew nothing of who we were, we were in an unknown place, surrounded by unknown people, foreigners just like us, each one with a different smile, with a different vibe, a different thought hidden behind the eyes.
We knew nothing of our future, we couldn't tell what was meant to be but we were there and in a moment we felt so close. A couple of words and then tears and a hug. And oh I felt so stupid to be there with my eyes full of tears yet conscious to be sharing more than words could ever explain.
We were three, nearly 3 years ago. And I still keep that feeling, that day in Angers city hall, when they took that picture of our group, when everyone was eating and drinking and that sudden moment of sadness tied the first knot of our friendship.
And it still holds tight...

Pioggia

2007-02-21T19:19:00.000+01:00

The rain hit my face
as soon as I stepped out.
I was standing alone
and I closed my eyes.
I was standing alone
while rain was pouring over me.
I was there, alone,
and I was happy.

Sogno

2007-02-19T18:00:00.000+01:00

Un pianto lento

dolce e profondo,

lacrime che scavano

una

dopo

l'altra

nell'anima mia

mentre cerca nel sonno

il ristoro dei sogni.

E nei sogni ritrovo

le mie cose perdute,

l'amore vissuto

che non potrò riamare,

la dolcezza di un bacio leggero,

labbra sfiorate,

una carezza

un Addio che brucia

come sale

sulle ferite aperte

del mio cuore.

Nel sogno rivivo

attimi svaniti

in un soffio,

nel sogno

il Tempo clemente

lascia a me l'arbitrio

per tornare

nei luoghi aviti

del mio passato.

E ancora sogno,

la gente,

i profumi,

le melodie dimenticate,

e scivolo

nella polvere dell'oblio,

fra le pagine antiche

di un'umanità

che dei suoi sogni

ha sempre vissuto.

Alchimia onirica,

a te sorrido,

a te

serena fautrice

di un mondo perfetto,

in cui dolore

e gioia

sono e saranno

la perfezione pura

del sentimento.

A te il mio sorriso

di vento e di sole,

di terra e di notte,

puro e carnale,

intenso e fatuo,

fatto di ogni cosa

e di niente.

Ascolto ancora

il silente rumore

del sogno:

struggente armonia,

suonata in eterno

da ciò che ho lasciato

fra le pieghe

del Tempo.

E.F.

Ben là y a la traduction en français...

Un pleur lent
doux et profond
larmes qui creusent
l’une
après
l’autre
dans mon âme
pendant qu’elle cherche dans le sommeil
le repos des rêves.
Et dans les rêves je retrouve
mes choses perdues,
l’amour vécu
que je ne pourrai aimer à nouveau,
la douceur d’un baiser
léger,
lèvres effleurées,
une caresse
et
un Adieu qui brûle
comme du sel
sur les blessures ouvertes
de mon coeur.
Dans le rêve je revie
moments disparus
rapidement,
dans le rêve
le Temps charitabe
me laisse l’arbitre
de retourner
dans les lieux ancestraux
de mon passé.
Et encore je rêve,
les gens,
les parfums,
les mélodies oubliées,
et je glisse
dans la poussière de l’oubli,
parmi les anciennes pages
d’une humanité
qui a toujours vécu
de ses rêves.
Alchimie onirique,
à toi je souris,
à toi
sérène fauteuse
d’un mond parfait,
dans lequel la douleur
et la joie
sont et seront
la pure perfection
d’un sentiment.
A toi mon sourire
de vent et de soleil,
de terre et de nuit,
pure et charnel,
intense et faible,
fait de toutes choses
et de rien.
J’écoute encore
la rumeur silencieuse
du rêve :
armonie bouleversante,
jouée éternellement
par ce que j’ai laissé
parmi les plies
du Temps.

E.F.

I'm sorry there's no English translation here...translating a poem is something so delicate that I don't always dare doing it if I'm not in the mood of finding the proper words to express the exact same feelings I wanted to carve deep in the composition.

For my poems might not be masterpieces of works of art, but they're the essence of how I feel.

And they have to be taken seriously...

Fuir le bonheur de peur qu'il ne se sauve...

2007-02-19T16:02:00.000+01:00

Today's such a dull day at work, boring, repetitive, last week I got this deceiving news that I can't be trained to be a specialist in the Intensive Care group. I wanted it so much, I was so happy when W. asked me if I'd have accepted it. I controlled myself, I tried to hold back the huge smile that was appearing on my face and I tried to look professional. All I said was "You know I'm not scared of moving around, I'm not scared of travelling and working hard. I'm eager to learn and to put my efforts in something I'm interested in. You know all this. On the other hand, be aware of the fact that I'm like a blank page. There's nothing written on it now but I'll make sure to fill it all and learn fast".
He was enthousiastic, so were my other colleagues. But once more my expectations were deceived. Some "superior reasons" that do not belong directly to my director but to some other not well defined powerful entity above him, decided I have to look after another project, which will be clearly made up in April. My secret spies provided me some hints, which anyway didn't satisfy me much. It seems to be more or less what I'm doing now, with some other features yet to be determined. I hope I'll travel more, hope I'll have more chances to show what I'm able to do, to show it to myself first.
I was deceived at first, because the Intensive Care business is just so extremely motivating. However, I'm unable to be sad for long. Efforts bring satisfactions, if this is not the right moment it will come later. I'm patient, happily it seems I can find reasons to be happy almost everywhere.
I can't quite understand people who deny their happiness, smother every single chance they have to grab a short moment of joy. And I can't stand people who spend most of their time complaining about what doesn't go as they wish instead of focusing on the positive sides of their lives.
I'm too stubbornly optimist, that's a fact.

Happiness hurts sometimes. The process of achieving happiness hurts, the loss of what makes us happy hurts and the plain fear of this loss hurts quite as much. Choosing to escape from happiness, is that a solution? will we suffer less? will we live more comfortably?
Or will we just live less?
I take my risks, I assume my responsibilities, I'm crazy enough to be scared of what's coming next yet to welcome this fear as the pure sign I am alive and perfectly conscient of the unknown consequences of my actions and feelings.
I live my emotions, I feel alive both in suffer and joy. My body burns and my mind can't contain all the energy and passion I've got, I'm not a passive spectator of my own life and I never will.

Isn't that a good enough reason to smile?

Playlist!!!

2007-02-17T16:47:00.000+01:00

Here I am, a real geek!! I managed after a long struggle to put a playlist with some of my fave songs on this blog...
I've got the widest smile!! yuhuuu!!

Many thanks to Léo who gave me the best suggestion to succeed: "go and take a shower!!"
And right after the shower I untied the last probs that prevented me from seeing that holy playlist on the website!!!!

Merci merci!! ^^
and now enjoy the music...

Mystic Dialogue

2007-02-13T20:05:00.000+01:00

Back from Lourdes, my mum brought me some gifts...
Here's the dialogue of the gifts-giving:

Mum: "Ema I've got some gifts for you"
Ema: "What is it about?"
Mum: "First, a cloth dipped in Lourdes water. Then a bottle with blessed water..."
Ema: "Oh you know I don't trust these things, why have you brought me this????"
Mum: "...you have to put the cloth under your mattress and the bottle, always keep it with you, against illnesses and the evil"
Ema: "But I don't believe it!"
Mum: "You HAVE to believe it!!"

.......................................
qui la Silvia direbbe ALLIBEITOR!!!!!

Good moments...

2007-02-13T19:18:00.000+01:00

Saturday was good, sooo good, spent the day in Venice with good friends, Simona and Céline, and I had the chance to meet my dearest Julia, after so long, after 2 years, it was so nice to see we didn't change at all! We also joined Simo the Witch with her bf and it was such a shame we couldn't spend more time together...SPIGU mi manchi!anche se parliamo tutti i giorni....
We had fun, a lot...despite the weather (not properly fine) and the crowd of people, despite the 1h30 long boat trip to reach Murano (which normally takes 20mins but we got the wrong boat), despite the long quest for food in Murano, which has clearly more blown glass than edible things...
A couple of pictures, thanks to everyone who was with me on Sat, italian, spanish and french ;)

Céline, Julia, Simo Witch, Ema, Simo

(down right clockwise) Julia, Jaime, Idolla, Carol, Raul, Ema, Simo, Céline

Who will it be now?

2007-02-05T00:54:00.000+01:00

A quick update of facts, I haven't been writing much. Seems like I couldn't motivate me, typing here just seemed a bit of a waste of time. Indeed, I had a lot of work. I've been working like 12 hours a day in the past 2 weeks. And this week is going to be more or less the same. And I think I'm getting ill too. It sucks...
Summing up, I had a whirl of emotions in the past 2 weeks...
I've been pissed off, satisfied, I've been extremely happy, I've been thrilled, euphoric, a climax of high feelings crawling down with exactly what I expected. So I've been sad too. Very sad.
I've also been very thoughtful though. Which prevented me from shedding too many tears. And from hurting myself too much. So the next feelings have been sorrow for what could have been and hasn't, worry and then a sudden relief, a powerful feeling of strenght. I'm ok now. I know things always happen for a reason. And this helps me cooling down.
My mind's on my friends now. It's when I feel down that I know how great it is to have their presence in my life. I feel grateful for that. The near ones and faraway ones.

Google updates for Isa: the best google search leading to my blog up to now is "ho delle belle tette" meaning "I've got beautiful tits"

Now question...
how can Google know this about me? :P haha

Le Questionnaire (boredom rulezzzz)

2007-01-25T15:01:00.000+01:00

Voilà mes réponses au questionnaire que Isa a publié sur son blog...j'ai tout traduit en anglais pour que tout le monde puisse y comprendre qqch...

1- Grab the first book nearby, go to page 18 and write down the 4th line :
I don’t have books nearby, only technical sheets: the 18th page of the TS collector at 4th line says “Leucopénie: perte des globules blancs à 15 min. avec un pourcentage moyen de 13%”” and then the line cuts. Interesting huh?

2- What’s the last thing that you watched on the tv ?
News while having lunch

3- Withouth checking, what time is it ?
14h30

4- Check out, it is....
14h36

5- Outside the pc, what do you hear right now ?
my colleague coughing

6- What have you done the last time you went out ?
had a coffee with my French colleague. Or if you mean socially, I went out yesterday night to dance salsa but actually discovered there was no dance but only a lesson, so I ended up talking with a friend till past midnight.

7- How are you dressed ?
Jeans, black boots, red pull

8- Before taking this test, what were you looking at ?
my translation of technical sheets in French and Spanish.

9- Did you have dreams tonight ?
Yeah. I dreamt I met a guy who was my boyfriend in dreams but he looked like a guy who worked with me in the countryside in summer a couple of years ago, and he was very impolite. Don’t remember much of the dream, just that I felt very beautiful and I thought I’d leave the guy because of his not paying attention to me.

10- When have you laughed the last time ?
Oh like 5 minutes ago with some colleagues…

11- What’s on the walls of the room you’re in ?
I’m in my colleague’s office, and there are tropical fishes and sea images, the pics of her beautiful children, varius shelters full of technical data reports.

12- Have you had any weird experience today ?
Well not really. I’ll see, maybe later...

13- What do you think about this test ?
It sucks but it’s better than a technical sheet.

14- What’s the last movie you watched ?
Been long since I last seriously watched a movie. I guess it was “War of the Worlds” with Tom Cruise.

15- What’s the first thing you’d buy if you became a billionaire all of a sudden ?
Plane tickets, a lot. Or better a private jet to fly anywhere and see my friends all over the world. And a couple of houses in various cities. Then I’d buy a van because I really want to make a world tour by van, stopping wherever I want. What else? I’d seriously help in some charity project. Not that stuff you give money to and you have no idea where they really go to.

16- Tell us something of you that we don’t know yet
I have already revealed 5 secrets in a previous post…anyway things people don't know about me won't be published on a blog. Fact.

17- If you could change anything in the world what would you change ?
Hypocritical people. People who complain a lot. People who think they’re too important to pay attention to you. People who are too greedy to spread out feelings.
Racism.

18- Do you like dancing ?
Oh yeah! gimme whatever kind of music and I’d shake my ass or at least try to…
lately I’m into latin dances, esp. salsa. And it seems I’m talented!

19- Georges Bush ?
I don’t basically give a shit about him. I just wonder why people with no brain and just a huge crave for power are the ones to lead a country.

20- What would be the name of your child if it was a girl ?
Aurora, Sofia, Laura, Arianna, Eleonora….

21- And if it was a guy?
Lorenzo (but I’ve got a friend who’d be unhappy about that), Stefano, Marco, Alessandro…
but I’ve got a deal with someone if the child’s a guy I’d call him “Jesus” and if a girl “Mary Jesus” (was it like that? I hope I remember it correctly…too many deals!!)

22- Have you already thought of living abroad ?
Yeah. Every single moment of my life. I have experienced it and it was just awesome.

23- What would you like God to tell you when you’ll cross Heaven’s gates ?
Well….actually I’m not gonna meet God at heaven’s gates, somewhere in an airport gate instead. I don’t care what he’ll say provided he gives me a huge hug!

24- Next ?
Ah whoever. Advice: if you have technical sheets to translate you’d be happy to do something different.

Isa et les talents de googleur des gens

2007-01-23T10:05:00.000+01:00

Thanks to Isabelle, I found an interesting way to check what kind of google searches lead to my profile.
Up to now, there hasn't been anything particularly interesting.
But today...ta-daaaah! surprise!

1) someone from Montréal searched for "so delicate boy" and found out my blog...shame I'm not a so delicate boy :P
2) someone from Tucson must have been very disappointed to have passed through my blog instead of finding his "short summary of frankenstein".

Not bad, not bad...wait for more searches!!
Merci encore Isa!!!!

Words - disconnected mental flow

2007-01-18T20:37:00.000+01:00

Lately, some people have told me I am good in writing. They said I have a good skill in communicating feelings through words. I don't know about this, feelings are something so personal, so delicate yet sometimes so strong that they escape my control and I just don't notice it. They get intertwined with words, they pour out from my fingertips and carved into paper, or into the virtual sheet of a pc screen.
Somehow everything I write has a part of me. And it's the best way I have to express myself. Probably not the most spontaneous, I admit it. But I live in a continuous, paradoxal fight between heart and mind. I don't know if I should define myself as a thought-driven person, or rather instinct-driven.
I tend to do what I feel like in that very moment, and then getting lost in thoughts afterwards. Actually, I don't even know why I am writing this. What is the purpose of all this blabbering? It's probably coz I have to chase away some lingering uneasiness.
Why o why do I always have to mess with my own life? why do I have to let hopes prevail?
And why do I have to take things too seriously?
I have the power of bringing together words and matching them to give a proper sense of what happens inside of me, yet I can't find out any good answer for the previous questions. I guess I just need to pour out nonsenses just to fill some gaps.
To fill the gap of silence.
I love silence and I hate silence. I love when silence allows me to focus on the darkest parts of me. I love when I can just get lost in silence. Yet, I hate when silence is made of implicit statements that I can't grab. That's why I always feel the need of talking when it comes to serious matters. And I always end up appearing like a psycho wanting to be in the center of the attention.

Whereas all I would like is some sincerity.
Respect.
And maybe a little happiness....

Things that make me in a good mood....

2007-01-17T15:31:00.000+01:00

...see a person smiling and knowing I induced that smile.
...laughing laughing laughing (ok that's for granted)
...meet a friend after a long time (Yasmine, I can't wait to see you!..very soon...)
...hear a person you praise a lot say good things about you.
...know your colleagues really think you're doing a good job.
...kisses and cuddles (which doesn't happen often unfortunately).
...something unexpected.
...to discover that what I expected to be a failure is on the contrary a great success (now this happens 0,0001% of the times).
...daaaaance!!
...nothing. Do we really need a reason to be happy?

"We make ourselves happy or miserable. The effort is the same. "
F.Reigler

Quotes ruuuleee

2007-01-05T15:48:00.000+01:00

Who said Shrek's a stupid movie?

I like it...

"You're so wrapped up in layers onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings! "
"Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! I DON'T HAVE ANY TOES!!! I think I need a hug... "

-Donkey-

I can't always quote serious stuff, can I?

Shot of the day

2007-01-03T17:24:00.000+01:00

This is the sky as I see it out of my office window...the pic is not clear (taken with my mobile cam).

I am confused, I hate when things are unclear.

Quote of the day

2007-01-03T17:02:00.000+01:00

"You shouldn't allow your past to have such a deep influence on your present. Live every experience as if it was your first one."
-Mathieu-

Merci, baka Mat-chan...

Wine, ankles and fireworks

2007-01-02T22:08:00.000+01:00

And another year is over, with its good and bad memories, with its images, sounds, emotions, with its tears and smiles, with its bittersweet taste, with the lessons I learnt.
Another year is over and I watched it go by, while my ankle pulsed in pain, while my head got filled with dreams, while my hand held a glass of wine never empty, while my eyes were fixed on the bright lights exploding in the dark sky...

I just missed Rome so much...
Pollon mi dispiace tantissimo...sono sempre la solita stupida maldestra!!non ho potuto fare la scimmietta con te...mi rifarò nel corso del 2007, promesso!!

5 secrets

2006-12-29T11:30:00.000+01:00

This fine morning I decided to check what was going on online (I don't happen to be online often and for a long time lately) and I visited Isabelle's blog...nice surprise!! She wrote her 5 secrets and asked me to do the same....
Isa, chuis en train de faire ça pour toi!!

But I have to think over it...5 secrets...I have many secrets but the REAL intimate ones won't be written here...

1) Exactly like Isa, I seem to be a magnet for guys who don't attract me at all. Or, on the contrary, the attraction is mutual but they are only interested in physical activities, and don't care if I have a brain and can create sentences of more than 3 words in a coherent and sensible way. Or they flatter me on how smart I am as a way to go to bed with me. A very explicit example is the one of the french prick:
"Ema I love talking to you, you're so smart even if french is not your mothertongue, our conversations are like chess matches...I'm sure you want to have some fun after this match"
F**K off...

2) I lack self-esteem, and this is due basically to 2 reasons. First of all my uncle, who used to repeat me since I was like 4 years old things like "You're fat, stop eating, don't eat, you'll look ugly when you grow up" and since I haven't stopped eating I guess in a corner of my mind I am aware of being ugly because of that. The second reason is pretty much linked to the first secret: if guys don't consider me, or just consider me for sex, there must be something wrong with me. Hence, low self-esteem.
Happily in time this has considerably diminished. I am pretty much satisfied of how I look like and especially how I am inside. And I don't give a shit about who cannot see it. The only thing left is that everytime someone seems interested in me NOT only because of sex, I can't help thinking it must be a joke. And feeling unsure.

3) Once I hated pink. Now I looove pink!!
Except for guys...it's too metrosexual!! (no, lilac is not pink but it's also metrosexual for guys!!) ----> it should be clear I'm not into metrosexual guys.

4) I am way too cathartic (if this word exists): I happen to shed tears while I watch a movie, read a book, listen to a song, write a poem or even while I am telling out my feelings to someone.

5) I keep dreaming of a prince charming though knowing he will never cross my path. Or better, my 5th secret is that I believe my prince charming will never cross my path so I just keep dreaming of it.

I still have many secrets to tell, maybe one day I'll do the part 2...
Merci Isa, c'était une trèèèssss bonne idée celle des 5 secrets...au fait, c'était qui à avoir fait ça la première fois? Mystère....

Xmas blurbs

2006-12-26T18:55:00.000+01:00

Hello Hello!
I haven't had many chances to come online lately, because I don't have my own pc with me and I have to ask some of my relatives to use their one and eventually check what's going on on the net without me. Not that my absence is much noticed by people, but I like to think I am an active net-citizen.

My Xmas holidays have been good so far.
Apart from the 13hours long trip by car to get to Naples (normally it takes no more than 6hours!)
Apart from terrible traffic jams...
Apart from the fact that I am not free to say that Baby Jesus thing is a crap (blasphemous me!!)
Apart from having an uncle that since I was born has made my complexes about being fat grow and is still doing all he can to enhance them.

Apart from that, I can say everything's fine up to now.
More to come soon...well as soon as I can!!

2006-12-21T15:53:00.000+01:00

I
am
a
good
driver.

Thanks Mister!

You could have helped me yesterday instead of staying stuck in your car watching while I struggled to get the car out of that park.
Two cars on the sides, one car on the back, few room to move, high risk of crashing or scratching the car (damn, in this place people park like beasts!).
And
you were staring at me and laughing in your car.

Cool down. I achieved the mission. No car has been hurt in the process.
Were you deceived Mister, despite your "thumb up"?

I
am
such
a
good
driver.

And you're such a nerd, Mister.

Bios kai Tanathos

2006-12-21T14:11:00.000+01:00

Life and Death.
Two words, appearently so short and meaningless. Appearently so easy to type or pronounce, to hear or read and to forget, yet they constitute a neverending source of philosophical quests. Since...well, since men havestarted to wonder on mysterious matters.

Life and Death.
People use to think they are one opposite to the other. I don't agree. They're just too strictly linked, intertwined, there's no death without life and there's no life without death.

Life and Death.
Not up to me to judge what's right or wrong.
May you have a safe journey, Piergiorgio. Your life has been pain, struggle, deceivement. Your life has been like a neverending sleep of nightmares. Death has come to give you what Life couldn't provide you: rest, and some peace.
And the beginning of a new Life.

- in memory of Piergiorgio Welby-

No Comment

2006-12-19T11:10:00.000+01:00

I'm not going to make any comment on this.
Will just type the conversation...

Me:"Hey G. (my boss), I have something to ask you..."
G.:"ooh..is that about your contract?"
Me:"Yes! I want to know what's going to happen"
G.:" yeah well...didn't I tell you the HR director called me this morning?"
Me:" ehr..no!"
G.:"oh well, seems I have forgotten. Your contract expires on the 3rd of january"
Me:"I know"
G.:"..but I still have to talk to the director who has to talk to the CEO who has to talk to the President, and then we'll let you know"
Me:"when will I know?"
G.:"I guess we'll tell you something before friday"
Me:"Ok, I hope so"
G.:"so..what would you say to convince us to keep you here?"
Me (not sure to have understood):"Pardon?"
G.:"yeah, why do you think we shall hire you?"
Me (pissed off):"Well if you didn't manage to find reasons after one year I've been working here, there won't be much of a difference if I say a couple of words or not"
G.: *giggles*
Me: *walks away from her office*

Paris

2006-12-18T10:11:00.000+01:00

Everyone knows about how intolerant I can be toward arrogant people. Without discrimination of gender or nationality. It's just that I have found more arrogant people in France than in other countries (especially people from ESSCA), which anyway doesn't prevent me from being a massive France lover. And this is surely thanks to people like Léo, Mat, Honey GuiGui, Monsieur Kij and Céline. NOT at all thanks to people like a certain french prick (thanks God for having taught me this word!)...and some other french assholes (on en connait beaucoup Léo, n'est-ce pas?).
This brief introduction about France was merely to lead the talk to my 2 days trip to France. Lille and Paris. It was great, apart from the fact that it was perfectly useless from the working poin of view (a complete failure!)...and apart from conversations such as the following ones:

In a restaurant 1
French Prick: you eat those sausages in a very ambiguous way
Ema: it was you to order my food, and if you find it ambiguous it's none of my business

In a restaurant 2
French Prick (with a flirting attitude) : this is the first time we have dinner together alone, just me and you... (attempt to grab my hands)
Ema (with a skeptical expression) : oh wow, I'm amazed...does your food taste good?

In a restaurant 3
French prick: Seriously, I admire people who manage to keep up a relationship, especially at a distance, what do you think?
Ema: that it's possible to achieve that only if feelings are supported by seriousness, sincerity, respect and patience.
French prick: You sound wise....
Ema: well I belong to the half of the world who knows when it's the moment to have fun and when to be serious, I am not scared by commitments when time comes.
French prick: And what's the other half of the world?
Ema: people who end up being older than 35 years old and only able to have fun with a sacred fear of responsibilities.
(touché!!!)...et cassé!

Walking in the streets
Ema: I think I'm going to take pictures lately
French Prick: if you need an interesting subject you have one nearby... (winks winks and self-assured smile)
Ema (turning her head the other side) : Oh yeah, I really like these elephant statues (ps: Lille city center is full of elephant statues)

On the panoramic wheel 1
French Prick: it's gonna be romantic...
Ema: actually it's just going to be damn cold

On the panoramic wheel 2
French Prick: I'm freezing cold! (gets near and holds me tight in his arms)
Ema: I'm not, you should have brought a scarf.

In the pub 1
French Prick: I admire you a lot, I really like talking to you, because it's like a chess match, I try to get you in confusion with my words but even if it's not your mothertongue you always find a reply.
Ema: thanks, that's nice of you. But I assure you it's not too difficult. (thinking: a man is a man, whichever his nationality is - and I do have a brain, yippieee!!)

In the pub 2
French Prick: So tell me, what is that you wish to win from this match?
Ema: nothing
French Prick: oh come on, I'm sure you do want something
Ema: I want nothing
French Prick: I think I know what you want
Ema: glad you are, can you please tell me what I want?
French Prick: you want to end up having some fun, don't you?
Ema: no, I said nothing
(silence)
French Prick: what have you said?
Ema: N - O - T - H - I - N - G
(silence)

This was thursday. Friday was definitely much better, we finished early in the hospital so I reached Paris at 2pm, met Léo and we watched Kaamelott!! Then, Champs Elysées where I met Vincent aka M. Kij, in a bar fulllllll of waiters dressed like seamen (pretty gay if you ask me, but I wanted to go there because I know ISA would have loved that! vive les matelots!! vive LE MALE!! haha ).
It was an awesome day!! Some facts on the spotlight:

Eating ramen with a spicy HOT sauce is absolutely great *drool* ...but make sure you have enough paper tissues for your leaking nose!
Hot chocolate with milk cream at Starbucks is damn good!!..and if you're cute and flirt with the waiters they'll give you free Starbucks stickers! If you're cute...or if you tell them you're italian and you'll bring them around in your country...
We found a way to induce pricks (haha I really like this word!!) to leave us in peace: when they flirt with us too bad, all we need to do is grab their head and make a sudden scary face.
True love goes beyond physical aspect, beyond handicaps, beyond our stupid everyday problems...I admire people who have the strength to stand everything for love's sake.

THIS is good music...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zdcnq3M4lX0

Meeeeeeeellll assieds-toi faut que j’te paaaarleee j’ai passé ma journée dans le noooooiiiir - Mel je le sens, je le sais, je le suis, il se fou de moi! MON MEC SE TAPE UNE AUTRE FEMME OUAAAAISSSS (Meeeeel sit down, I need to talk to you, I spent my day in darkness, Mel I feel it, I know it, he cheats on me! MY BOY FUCKS ANOTHER GIRL YEEAAAAHHH)

Summing up...

2006-12-12T17:24:00.000+01:00

Well yeah I am often too lazy to type what happens in my everyday (DULL) life. And I let time pass so even if I had something interesting to write, it has no more appeal the moment I type it down.
Ahlala la paresse...
I was talking to Léo today, about the fact I am just the pale shadow of me and I will keep being such as long as I stay stuck here. I don't feel motivated to do anything, to go anywhere, I just want to go away, that's all. So boring.

Anyway...
This weekend I didn't do much, friday night was cool, out with Silvia and Monica, listening to Silvia talking about Mister Bullone (haha ok this is an italian word but in english it would sound so funny!) and having a sip of don't remember what (sucks, I can NEVER drink when I have to drive..). Then I spent saturday afternoon in the hospital because of dad's small accident...nothing serious happily! Rather funny if I think of it now...
Saturday night I didn't go out....because I got drunk at home! haha there was sooo much wine....and since I've never got the chance to drink as much as I want (see the reason above mentioned), I took the advantage of the situation. Then I just spent the night lying in my bed listening to some gooooood music (no Bagiao, it was NO romantic music!) and smsing all the way with Bagiao and Silvia. God bless Vodafone for free sms!!
Sunday I went out with Bagiao and Anni, in Ferrara, it was nice, we were meant to have a walk in the city but we just stopped in a cool bar having some wine and hot chocolate (er...no, not mixed together).

And now, ladies and gentlemen, here's the scene winner of the "Shut up you bitch!" award:
A = a cute yet soft, round shaped girl
B = a cute yet mentally fucked up girl
Dialogue:
A: Oh wow, you look so nice today! (seriously meant to be a compliment)
B: Yeah thanks, I know, I am on diet, I have lost 7kg.
A: Cool
B: You also seem to have lost weight, are you on diet too?
A: Nope, and I haven't lost weight, I eat as much as I want and it shows.
B: Eew...how much do you weight?
A: (thinking: why the hell you don't mind your business?) I don't know now, I don't check everyday.
B: Oh you should, it would prevent you from eating more.
A: ......

Sometimes I hate being a woman surrounded by women.
And A is HOT anyway. Fact.
Sometimes I love to have a different brain.

Eyes

2006-12-07T22:39:00.000+01:00

Does it show THAT much that there's something different in my eyes?
so so so much?
why is that everyone sees it?
Happily it's a good change :)

Do you look for a change?

2006-12-06T14:16:00.000+01:00

Aujourd'hui c'est le tour du français. Car j'en ai marre, et je préfère dire "j'en ai marre" plutot que "I'm sick of it" ou "ne ho abbastanza". C'est plus immédiat, meme dans le son de l'expression.
J'en
ai
marre
.
Point barre.
Je veux pas attendre toute ma vie avant de prendre une décision sur mon futur (de plus que mon futur s'écoule dans le moment meme ou j'écris ici...quelle perte de temps!) mais je n'arrive pas encore à comprendre exactement quelle est la route à prendre. Et où ça va me mener.
J'ai envie d'un changement qui ne se passe toujours pas, ou qui est peut etre "in progress" et je ne m'en aperçois pas. J'aurais envie de changer d'endroit, de boulot, de vie, de connaitre d'autres gens, de savoir que les gens qui partagent mes idées ne sont pas forcément si loin de moi.
J'aurais envie de savoir si ça vaut la peine que je laisse place dans mon coeur à des sentiments qui peuvent me rendre très heureuse, ou briser ce qui reste de mon sourire.
J'ai peur, aussi.
Je tremble face à la nécessité de prendre une décision pour un changement.
Je suis trop habituée à laisser que tout change autour de moi sans que je fasse rien pour en provoquer la modification, rien. Et je profite des nouveautés.
Alors là j'attends, que le 2007 m'apporte quelque chose de bien, quelcun de bien, des expériences et un peu de paix.
Et maintenant,
j'en ai marre.

Pentagramma

2006-12-04T13:52:00.000+01:00

Sometimes I feel I can express my emotions better through music than with my words. With notes, melodies, lyrics, a particular riff that perfectly suits the swings of my heart and my mood.I was talking wih a friend about this. My life has always been followed by a soundtrack, since I was a baby. I have some songs, for crappy that they can be, that remind me some specific moments of my life and I can't but fill my mind of memories when I listen to them.

There are some old songs, mainly in Naples dialect, reminding me of my days as a baby:

"'O surdat 'nnammurat", so many memories of my grandpa..

Sta luntano da stu'core
a te volo c'ò pensier
niente vogli'e nient sper
c'a tenert semp'a fianc a'mme
sì sicur'e chest'ammor
comm 'i sò sicur
e tè...

"E Vola vola" reminding me my grandma, when I was like 3 years old...

E vola vola vola vola
e vola lu pavone
si tiè lu core bbone
mo fammece arpruva'...

Some songs mark the end of a period and the beginning of a new chapter of my life.

"Hedonism" (Skunk Anansie) fuck, I was feeling so bad in that period..

Just because you feel good
doesn't make it right
just because you feel good
I still want you here tonight

"Freak on a leash" (Korn) free and ready to start again, brand new! my 16 years of fucking thinking I was cool...

Something takes a part of me
Something lost and never seen
Everytime I start to believe
Somethings raped and taken from me... from me
Lifes got to always be messing with me.

"Don't cry" (Guns'n Roses) for every end and every beginning, for every time I told myself to go on. This song makes me smile, this song is strength.

Talk to me softly
There's something in your eyes
Don't hang your head in sorrow
And please dont cry
I know how you feel inside
I'veI've been there before
Somethin's changin' inside you
And don't you know...

Some songs remind me of special people or places...

"Educated Guess" (Ani di Franco) this makes me think of Anand. No matter why, it's just HIS song.

And I've got something sweet for you
And I don't care if it is more than you deserve
I've got a lot of love and a lot of nerve
So watch me while I take this curve

"The Small Print" (Muse)..ok this might not be the best Muse song but it has a strong impact of me everytime I listen to it..reminding me of Angers, so much..

Say, it'll make you insane
and it's bending the truth
you're to blame
for all the life that you'll lose and
you watch this space
but i'm going all the way
and be my slave to the grave
I am the priest god never paid

"Adam et Eve" (Kain) and this is Québec!! the only song I could sing when we were in Gatineau dans la Boite à chansons :P with the handsome singeeerrr, girls with NO style at all and a looot of sfigati (good memories, Isa!)

J'veux sentir ton âme épier la mienne
J'veux que la nuit s'étende jusqu'au bout du monde
J'veux qu'la planète nous appartienne
J'veux que la vie soit vierge
j'voudrais qu'on soit comme Adam et Eve

"Ziggy" (Céline Dion) aaah such an ugly song! but I will always remember it, the laughters we had, me and Isa, when we downloaded this song while being drunk in the middle of the night..hahaha

Ziggy, il s’appelle Ziggy
Je suis folle de lui
C’est un garçon pas comme les autres...

"Forever and One" (Helloween) Simona!!my spiritual guide :)

Forever and one
I will miss you
However, I kiss you
Yet again
Way down in neverland

"Chop suey!" (System of a Down) Silvia and our singing sessions in my car, screaming and dancing and feeling it all!!

Father into your hand
I commend my spirit
Father into your
hand
why have you forsaken me
in your eyes
Forsaken me
in your
thoughts
Forsaken me
in your heart
Forsaken me ohh
Trust in my self
righteous suicide
I cry when angels deserve to die
In my self righteous
suicide
I cry when angels deserve to die

"Guerrilla Radio" (RATM) our old rock/metal club, my friday nights out with Simo, my first long drives, my first hate for house music :P

It has to start somewhere
It has to start sometimes
What better place than here
what better time than now?
All hell can't stop us now

Hmm too many to list them all, too many...so many moments I forgot to list here, so many people I didn't put, on purpose or not...

Right now I have one song representing how I feel. It won't probably underline any new chapter, who knows, but still it lingers in my soul.So here it is, to close my post about songs, to give a hint of how my life's flowing lately.

"Patience" (Gun's n Roses)

Shed a tear 'cause I'm missin'
you
I'm still alright to smile
Girl, I think about you every day now
Was a time when I wasn't sure
But you set my mind at ease
There is no doubt
You're in my heart now
Said, woman, take it slow
It'll work itself out fine
All we need is just a little patience
Said, sugar, make it slow
And we come together fine
All we need is just a little patience(patience)
Mm, yeah
I sit here on the stairs
'Cause I'd rather be alone
If I can't have you right now
I'll wait, dear
Sometimes I get so tense
But I can't speed up the time
But you know, love
There's one more thing to consider
Said, woman, take it
slow
And things will be just fine
You and I'll just use a little patience
Said, sugar, take the time
'Cause the lights are shining bright
You and I've got what it takes
To make it,
We won't fake it,
I'll never break it
'cause I can't take it

...little patience, mm yeah, mm yeah
need a little patience, yeah
just a little patience, yeah
some more patience, yeah
need some patience, yeah
could use some patience, yeahg
otta have some patience, yeah
all it takes is patience,just a little patience
is all you need

I been walkin' the streets at night
Just tryin' to get it right
Hard to see with so many around
you know I don't like being stuck in the crowd
And the streets don't change
But baby the name
I ain't got time for the game
'cause I need youyeah yeah but I need you
Ooh I need you
Whoa I need you
Ooh all this time...

Wait For Sleep

2006-11-29T16:29:00.000+01:00

Standing by the window
Eyes upon the moon
Hoping that the memory
Will leave her spirit soon

She shuts the doors and lights and lays her body on the bed
Where images and words are running deep
She has too much pride to pull the sheets above her head
So quietly she lays and waits for sleep

She stares at the ceiling and tries not to think
And pictures the chain she's been trying to link again
But the feeling is gone

And water can't cover her memory
And ashes can't answer her pain
God give me the power to take breath from a breeze
And call life from a cold metal frame

In with the ashes
Or up with the smoke from the fire
With wings up in heaven
Or here lying in bed
Palm of her hand to my head
Now and forever curled in my heart
And the heart of the world

-Dream Theater-

2006-11-28T15:46:00.000+01:00

Again it's been long since I last wrote something here...I'd spend a whole day just writing down one line after the other in order to talk out what I have inside. But I won't. This time the reasons for my smiles, I'll keep them for me.

I'm just so happy God exists (the real meaning of this sentence is hidden ;) )

Some weird facts happened to me in the past week:

why is that I never take a train but when I happen to take one it has like 2hours delay?
have you ever seen a hotel which has a "PLEASE DISTURB" sign instead of a "Please do not disturb"?
have you ever been sitting next to a guy on a train (yeah the same train delayed), he started talking about a magic world populated by elves and vampires...and when he stood up you noticed he really looked like an elph? (haha oh man I'm so nasty!)
do you know that ravioli can taste like cheesecake?
have you ever been punched while dancing salsa with someone? (damn that guy made my lip bleed!)

Have you ever been so happy that everyone else who's looking at you can't help but smiling back at you?

I hate when you go dancing with someone who's supposed to be JUST a friend and he spends the whole night hugging you and trying to kiss you and touching you and stuff you'd only want your boyfriend to do. And I hate that I can't say it annoys me like hell just because I know it would hurt him.

Isa si tu as besoin de frapper dur quelcun dis-le, je suis prete à me lancer dans la lutte à coté de toi!!!!

Italian weekend

2006-11-13T11:15:00.000+01:00

Subtitle: when religion gives good advices!

I've been spending this weekend with Vincent, my Taiwan friend, sightseeing some cities of my region...we've been to Mirandola (haha the big metropolis!!), Modena, Ravenna and Bologna. It was so nice, we have seen many things and I'm happy because everytime I wander around my own region I end up discovering new things, and it's pretty interesting.

Ok, this post intro is the "wise-girl" part.

Now, I've been with Vince and his friend from Bologna in San Petronio, a church in Bologna. There was a mass and the priest was speaking:

Priest: "And Our God says, My Children, enjoy love in solitude"

Enjoy love in solitude? hahaha I always thought catholic religion was against masturbation... :P
ok ok I know, I've got an insane mind...

Emails and Bad luck - and colleagues

2006-11-08T14:40:00.000+01:00

During my lunch break I was watching some TV to refresh my brain (!!) after a tough (!!) morning. There wasn't much on, so I ended up watching what my father wanted to, a law programme called "Forum". The aim of this programme is to put two people who have an argument in front of a real judge and find out the solution by legal means. For instance, my neighbor listens to music at a way too high volume after midnight. I get angry at him but he won't stop. So I tell him "Hey mate, let's go to Forum, we'll have our half an hour of success on TV and then we'll know who's right between me and you.". And once in TV the judge will listen to the argument and say "Following the article XXX it says that one cannot cause noises after 11pm". Good. Argument solved, peace established. And a lot of smily faces on the screen.
Now, today's argument was something I couldn't understand at first. Well, I didn't want to understand it. This woman had brought her friend in front of the judge because she insisted that the e-mail this friend sent her caused a lot of unlucky events to her. You know the boring chains people always send, saying "If you don't send this to other 14953985934 people you will have 14953985934 years of bad luck"? Well this woman, let's call her Mrs. Sfig, had received a couple of months ago an email from her friend, which I will name Mrs. Ata. It was the kind of friend emails saying "the person who sent you this loves you and wants you to be her friend for the rest of life" and in the end "PS: the person who sent you this loves you so much that if you don't send this you will be cursed for the rest of your life". Hehe. No well, it was about "a series of unfortunate events will happen in your life if you don't send this". Needless to say, after having received the mail, in two months time this woman had: her computer destroyed by a virus (appearently arrived through the same mail of the chain), a car accident, an accident on work, a broken knee and her 3 years old cat died. And in front of the judge she accused Mrs. Ata to be the cause of all this because of the email she sent. With a series of offenses and curses of different entity.
It was very folkloristic. Pretty much italian. Pretty much superstitious.
Interesting coincidence though!!! Happily it never happened to me, because I receive and erase so many chain mails that up to nowadays I should already have:

at least 50000 years of general bad luck
something like 6000 years of bad luck in love life
no sex for 73829 years
bad sex for other 3900 years
become poor for the rest of my life (received at least 30 times)
seen the love of my life marrying my best friend (haha)

Ok, I might not be particularly lucky in love life, but I don't feel that cursed.

Not yet, at least...

My colleague has the habit of asking me to translate words into english for him. But it never happened before that he asked me something in italian.

Colleague:"Emanuela how do you write "pregherei"?"
Ema:"in english? "I'd pray"
C:"no no in italian"
Ema:"ehu...pregherei."
C:"yes but with or without H?"
Ema (whose look now saying "are you kidding or what??"):"with H...between g and e there must be a H or you wouldn't pronounce so"
C:"oh yeah you're right, you're really good with languages"

NB: for those who don't know me, I AM italian.

And my colleague too.

And we live in Italy.

HTML

2006-11-07T12:40:00.000+01:00

Udite, udite!!

sto imparando i primi rudimenti di HTML, i primi tags, i primi esperimenti...

sono troppo contenta!!

A short summary of events...

2006-11-03T23:40:00.000+01:00

Well here I am after a long time...and I thought I'd write this in English because it will probably be too long to translate it all in the three languages, so the universal language will do. Plus I need to practise a looot coz my English is getting rusty! :P
It sucks that I'm so late in writing here, because some things that happened in the past weeks really deserved a lot more words than the ones I'm gonna spend here, a deeper analysis, a better description...but well, time has passed and has made the impact of those events fade slowly away. So all I'm left with is the pale reflection of the feelings those events gave me, and I'm now trying to fix them with words before I'll lose them completely.

Let's talk about my stay in Belgium first. It has been absolutely great. I arrived in Bruxelles on the 25th october, in the evening, a city I've never seen before, everything new and unknown. I meet a man at the ticket counter, he asks me something in English about something related to trains and timetables. 10 minutes later, I realise I'm sitting next to him on the train. Funny, we smile to each other and start talking, that's crazy, he also worked for a biomedical company, Fresenius moreover! We keep talking, I've got the weird feeling I can trust this unknown man. Something in the eyes, maybe, or just the gentleman attitude he kept all the way. So I accepted his offer to pay me a cab, and the following offer of a dinner together. This is something that most people (and me too, in another situation) would consider extremely risky. I just followed my stupid instinct and said yes, and I'm extremely happy of my acceptation. It has been a great experience, this man seemed to know everything of me before I could talk, he listened to me, asked me questions, gave me replies on my will of knowing which is the perception that people have on me. It has been enlightening. It has been a conversation that lasted many hours, and that unfortunately I can't rewrite here. There's this one thing he said that still lingers in my thought and made me feel much better, and its effects still last now: "You seem like a very bright girl, smiling and outgoing. But something in the way you move tells me your self-esteem is sometimes too low. You shouldn't worry what people might think of you. You own a special kind of beauty, which isn't immediate as the mere physical beauty. You have a deep beauty which has its roots in your eyes. And you have to find someone who's able to look deep into you to find all of your beauty. You don't need guys attracted by your body only, and you know 99% of the guys will want just one thing from you. It's because they're blind."
Well...isn't that just great for the ego? :) Jokes apart, I thank that man a lot, for his silent understanding, for his words, his kindness, and for having appeared in a moment of my life where I needed some more strength. All I have got of this man is a name, no other means of tracking back to who he is. Thanks Ralph...
After this striking meeting, my mood was considerably brighter and the day after I got to know Her Eddy Vandenbroeck from Sorin Belgium, a person it was a pleasure to work with. We did our visits in the hospitals, collected the informations we needed to collect, and he brought me afterwards for a walk in Leuven, his city. We went to buy chocolates, then we stopped for a beer, and it was really pleasant to spend some time talking. Then he offered me a dinner at a japanese restaurant, and oh yess it was just GREAT! The place was awesome, the food even more, and the cook was like an acrobat of food! The things he could do while cooking...whoah astonishing!! Pity I haven't got pics of that night...we also ended up being drunk after beers and wine :P Indeed, I love when work gets mixed so well with social relations :D
Friday has been the second and last day of work with Eddy, and I admit I was sad about it because it's difficult to find people who are competent in their job, full of knowledges and also extremely gentle and nice in manners (at least, I rarely found them in my experience by Bellco). Eddy left me on friday evening next to the Gare du Nord, where Annemie was waiting for me. Annemie, it was so good to see her again!! It brought me back with memories to the old times in Angers, where she practically lived by my neighbors Robert and Denise. Two years have passed but when I was with her it really seemed to me that it was yesterday that I left Angers. And the melancholy raised up. Gosh it's raising up now too!! I wish I could bring those days back here, live them all again, one by one, see the people, enjoy the feelings, have the same dreams I had...
I'm starting to be romantic now :D
Well I got back home on saturday the 28th, met some friends in the night then on sunday my mum came back to us after nearly two months!!! We're all so happy to have her back even if we don't know yet how long she will stay...I don't care, I'm just enjoying every hour. I always say I'd love to live alone and go away from this place, and this is the number one dream I have, but I love my parents and it's impossible for me not to miss them when they're not there. It's just that when they're there...they're TOO much present in my life :P hehe well, that's the job of a parent, right? Who knows how I'll be when I'll be a mother myself...right now it seems impossible to me!
This week with my mother has been pleasant, yet intertwined with sad moments when we talked of the situation we're going through because of my aunt's illness. I know my mum thinks about this 24/7, but at least here she has more to be busy with, in a better way than looking after her sister all the time, and seeing her suffer. She's like having a breath of fresh air now, in order to get ready for when she'll have to leave again.
On wednesday I've gone out with Silvia, my dear Pollon! I promised her we'd have gone to Lime together and we managed to (thanks to this week of holiday that I got as a gift from the company!), but it was half empty (so weird!! normally it's crowded!!)...plus we had an unpleasant meeting, that asshole of "Frankenstein" (yeah she will know whom I'm talking about ;) ) with another girl!! Of course she was upset...thank God we've been approached by a couple of guys who kept us talking all the while, so she could think of something else...but one of those guys was SOOO annoying!! Mister-Know-It-All kind of guy, that is. I couldn't help giving him harsh replies to his comments, which he probably liked because he ended up saying I've got brain (even if he is still more clever than I am, as he didn't miss to underline..sfigato!!) but I didn't like when he told my friend she acts in a stupid way! Happily we managed to tell him so many things (yeah we're not bimbo girls, we do know how to use the power of words...) to destroy the stupid comments he was making (about girls, of course) that he shut up all of a sudden. And we left the place with a good feeling of victory in our stomachs and in our well functioning brains ;)
Warning, to all men who still think all women are too vain to keep a conversation up: don't judge before trying, I'm sure you can have good surprises, and if you're humble enough to accept the fact that you're not the Kings of Universe, you might enjoy the surprises even more ;) these are a woman's words...

Overbooked weeks...

2006-10-24T11:40:00.000+02:00

Ho appena dato un'occhiata al calendario...dopo un'estate un po' piatta (a parte le mie due settimane con Isa che sono state un vero toccasana!!) e un inizio autunno alquanto triste, ecco che le mie settimane cominciano a riempirsi in modo rassicurante! Ecco un breve riassunto dei miei prossimi impegni:

25-28 ottobre: Belgio (per lavoro...ma forse riuscirò a incontrare Annemie, dopo 2 anni!!)
28-29 ottobre: visita della mitica Simona, guida spirituale mia e della Pollon-Silvia
30 ottobre-5 novembre: l'azienda chiude, forse mia madre riesce a passare una settimana con noi..altrimenti sarò io a scendere a Caserta
11-18 novembre (circa, date ancora da stabilire con precisione..tengo le dita incrociate per te, Vince!!): visita di Vincent, il mitico taiwanese che è ormai italiano d'adozione!!
Paula, la mia ex-coinquilina finlandese, viene a Roma con la famiglia fino al 14 novembre...devo trovare un modo di andarla a trovare!
22-23 novembre: riceverò la visita mistica di Dio (haha no no non sono impazzata..non più del solito almeno!!)
fine novembre: viaggio in Francia di lavoro (date da stabilire)
7-10 dicembre: Congresso di Nefrologia S.Carlo di Milano (Simoo Daniii tenetevi prooonteee per la serata pazzaaa!!)

E poi...Natale e Capodanno credo di passarli con la mia famiglia...direi che è la cosa più importante da fare, adesso.

Je viens de regarder le calendrier...après un été un peu plate (à part mes 2 semaines avec Isa qui ont été vraiment merveilleuses!!) et un début d'automne un peu triste, voilà mes semaines qui commencent à se remplir d'une façon très rassurante! Voilà un petit resumé de mes prochaines occupations:

25-28 octobre: Belgique (pour le travail...mais il se peut que je puisse rencontrer Annemie, après 2 ans!!)
28-29 octobre: visite de ma chère Simona, guide spirituelle, mienne et de Pollon-Silvia
30 octobre - 5 novembre: l'entreprise ferme, peut-etre que ma mère pourra venir passer une semaine avec nous...sinon j'y irai moi meme, à Caserta
11-18 novembre (à peu près, la période n'est pas encore certaine...je garde mes doigts croisés pour toi, Vince!!): visite de Vincent, le taiwanais qui est déshormais italien d'adoption!!
Paula, mon ex-colocataire finlandaise, sera a Rome avec sa famille jusqu'au 14 novembre...je dois trouver une façon d'aller lui rendre visite!
22-23 novembre: je vais recevoir la visite mystique de Dieu (haha noon je ne suis pas devenue folle...pas plus que d'habitude au moins!!)
Fin novembre: voyage en France pour le travail (période à établir)
7-10 décembre: Congrès de Néphrologie S.Carlo de Milan (Simooo Daniii préparez vous pour la soirée de folieeess!!)

Et puis...Noel et Fin de l'an, je crois que je vais les passer avec ma famille...c'est sans doute la chose la plus importante à faire maintenant.

I've just had a look at the calendar...after a dull summer (except my two weeks with Isa which were awesome!!) and a fall start a bit sad, now I see my weeks getting busier in a very comforting way! Herewith a short summary of my next occupations:

25-28 october: Belgium (for work...but I guess I will be meeting Annemie, after 2 years!!)
28-29 october: visit from my dear Simona, spiritual guide of mine, and of Pollon-Silvia
30 octobre - 5 novembre: the company closes for a week, maybe my mum will come to spend a week with us, or if she can't I'll be going to Caserta.
11-18 november (more or less...the period is not certain yet...I keep my fingers crossed for you, Vince!!): visit from Vincent, the taiwanese guy who's now italian by adoption!!
Paula, my ex roommate from Finland is coming to Rome with her family until the 14th..I need to find a way to pay her a visit!!
22-23 november: I'll receive the mystical visit of God (haha no no I didn't go mad...not more than usual at least!!)
7-10 december: Nephrology Congress of S.Carlo in Milan (Simooo Daniii keep ready for the crazy night!!)

And then...Xmas and New Year's, I guess I'll be spending them with my family...I think it's the most important thing to do, now.

Smile like you mean it..

2006-10-15T03:38:00.000+02:00

E in fin dei conti è fin troppo facile sfoderare un sorriso brillante con le persone che non ti conoscono. Quelle che sanno come sei veramente non fanno fatica a capirti fin dal primo sguardo. Silvia me l'ha detto stasera, "non sei più la stessa Ema di prima, sembri più stanca e più adulta, non ridi più tenendo la mano davanti al volto come per nasconderti, e sembri sempre assorta nei tuoi pensieri".
E' vero, ho bisogno di togliere un po' di peso di dosso e tornare ad essere la persona spensierata di prima. Ho voglia che questo periodo di buio passi quanto prima...ne ho un disperato bisogno...

Et en fin des comptes il est meme trop facile de sourire brillamment aux personne qui ne te connaissent guère. Celles qui savent comment tu es vraiment peuvent facilement te comprendre au premier regard.
Silvia me l'a dit ce soir, "tu n'es plus la meme Ema qu'avant, tu parait plus fatiguée et plus adulte, tu ne ris plus avec ta main devant ton visage comme pour te cacher, e tu sembles toujours perdue dans tes pensées".
C'est vrai, j'ai besoin d'enlever un peu du poids que j'ai dedans et de retourner à etre la personne sans soucis que j'étais. J'ai envie que cette période de ténebre passe le plus rapidement possible...j'en ai terriblement besoin...

And in the end it's far too easy to smile brightly to people who don't know you at all. Those who know how you really are can easily understand you at first sight.
Silvia told me tonight, "you're not the same Ema as before, you seem more tired and more adult, you don't laugh with your hand before your face as to hide yourself, and you seem always lost in your thoughts".
It's true, I need to get some of this load off my chest and to get back to the lively person I used to be. I want this period of darkness to be over as soon as possible....I terribly need it....

Viva la campagna!!

2006-10-11T12:45:00.000+02:00

Lunedì parto tranquilla per l'aereoporto con mio padre; a metà strada mentre chiacchiero amabilmente, canticchio canzoncine e ballo leggiadramente in macchina incurante dello sguardo altrui (e soprattutto di quello di mio padre, preoccupato per la mia intergrità mentale), apro la borsa folgorata da un repentino flash e con voce flautata dico "Oh! ho dimenticato il cellulare in ufficio"...mio padre mi fulmina con lo sguardo. Torniamo indietro di corsa, entro in ufficio come un razzo, afferro il cellulare e risalgo in macchina, sperando di non essere in ritardo!! 45 minuti dopo sono al check in....chiuso da 2 minuti!! Noooo!! Mi metto a pregare la hostess in giapponese...non so come, riesce a farmi riaprire il volo, passo il controllo di corsa e salgo in aereo...aah!! e anche questa è fatta...All'arrivo a Toulouse, non contenta, prendo la macchina a noleggio e mi infilo in tangenziale: bloccata per lavori in corso, un traffico tremendo, la mia uscita era chiusa e ho dovuto prenderne un'altra. Morale: 2 ore per un percorso che normalmente prende una mezz'oretta massimo. Devo ricordarmene per quando devo riprendere l'aereo venerdì...Ma la sorpresa più bella è stata entrare nella camera d'albergo e scoprire che era infestata da cimici :/ mi sono svegliata 4 volte di notte per riuscire a catturarne 4 che svolazzavano. E ieri notte ce n'era ancora un'altra, gigante. Che orrore!!Per fortuna ieri sera ho avuto un piccolo diversivo andando a far visita a Mat a Agen! Buona la raclette...ma soprattutto ottima la compagnia e le chiacchiere!! Un po' peggiore è stato il risveglio stamattina, ma niente che un buon caffè non possa curare...eh? cosa? non c'è l'espresso qui!! noooo!! trauma :P Allora dovrò rimediare stasera con lo shopping ;) da brava, vera donna...Insomma, alla fine chi l'ha detto che un viaggio di lavoro deve essere incentrato SOLO sul lavoro? :D

Lundi, je pars tranquillement pour l'aéroport avec mon père; à moitié du parcours, pendant que je bavarde amaiblement, que je chantes des petites chansons, et que je danse armonieusement dans la voiture insouciante des regards des autres (et surtout de ce de mon père, préoccupé de mon intégrité mentale), j'ouvre mon sac comme foudroyée par un soudain flash, et avec une voix mélodieuse je dis "Oh! j'ai oublié mon portable dans mon bureau"...mon père me fusille au regard. Nous retournons rapidement en arrière, j'entre dans mon bureau à toute vitesse, je prends mon portable et je remonte en voiture, tout en espérant ne pas etre trop en retard!! 45 minutes après je suis au check-in...fermé il y a 2 minutes!! Nooon!! Je commence à prier la hostess en japonais...je ne sais pas comment, elle arrive à faire ouvrir le vol à nouveau, je passe le controle en courant et je monte sur l'avion...aah!! Et ça aussi, c'est fait...A mon arrivée à Toulouse, pas encore satisfaite, je loue une voiture et je me faufile dans la rocade: bloquée par des travaux. Un traffique horrible, ma sortie était fermée et j'ai du en prendre une autre. Morale: 2 heures pour un parcours que j'habitude ne prend qu'une demi heure maximum. Je dois m'en souvenir quand je devrai prendre l'avion vendredi soir...Mais la meilleure surprise a été entrer dans la chambre d'hotel et découvrir qu'il y avait plein de punaises :/ je me suis reveillée 4 fois pendant la nuit pour réussir à en capturer 4 qui s'envolaient. Et hier nuit il y en avait une autre, énorme.Quel horreur!!Heureusement hier soir j'ai eu une petite diversion en allant rendre visite à Mat à Agen! Très bonne la raclette...mais surtout fantastique la compagnie et les conversations!! Un peu pire c'était de se réveiller ce matin, mais rien qu'un bon café ne puisse soigner...eh? quoi? y a pas d'espresso ici!! noooo!! c'est traumatisant :PAlors je devrais récupérer ce soir avec du shopping ;) comme une vrai, sage femme...Eh bon, finalement qui a-t-il dit qu'un voyage de travail doit etre centré SEULEMENT sur le travail? :D

Monday, I leave quietly to the airport with my father; we drove for already half of the distance, while I was chatting pleasantly, singing some easy songs, and dancing in the car careless about the glares of other people (and above all my father's one, worried about my mental integrity), I open my bag, hit by a sudden flash, and with a sweet voice I say "Oh! I forgot my mobile phone in the office"..my father stares at me with hate. We get back hastily, I run into my office like a rocket, grab my mobile and back into the car, while praying not to be too late! 45 minutes later, I head to the check-in...closed 2 minutes earlier.!! Noooo!! I start to pray the hostess in japanese...I don't know how, she managed to re-open the flight, I pass running the control board,and I get in the plane..aah!! And this is done,too...Arrived in Toulouse, not yet satisfied, I rent a car and rush into the highway: blocked for maintenance works, a terrible traffic jam, my exit was closed so I had to take another one. End of the story: 2 hours for a road that normally takes no more than half an hour. I have to remember this when I'll have to take the plane on friday night...But the best surprise has been entering the hotel room and discovering it was full of those small green insects that smell bad when you smash them :/ I woke up 4 times in the night to manage to catch 4 of them flying around. And yesterday night there was one more, HUGE.Horrible!Happily yesterday evening I had a small distraction paying a visit to Mat in Agen! The raclette was good...but the company and the conversation were even better!! A little worse has been trying to wake up this morning, but it's nothing that can't be cured with a good coffee...eh? what? there's no espresso here!! nooo!! traumatising :PThis means I'll have to recover tonight with some shopping ;) like a real, good woman...In the end, who said that a work trip must be totally concentrated ONLY on work? :D

A lifetime of questions, tears on your cheek...

2006-10-06T11:21:00.000+02:00

Ho un peso soffocante dentro di me, posizionato da qualche parte fra il cuore e lo stomaco...ed è come se si stesse espandendo senza lasciarmi il tempo di capire da cosa è originato.
Mi manca il respiro e so che non sono io la persona spenta seduta a questa scrivania che fa finta di lavorare sorridente come sempre. Quel sorriso non è il mio, non mi appartiene.
Forse avrei solo bisogno di piangere, un bel pianto lungo, liberatorio, alla fine del quale la stanchezza lascia il posto ad una tranquilla pace interiore.
La cosa peggiore, è che non riesco più a piangere...

J'ai un poids étouffant à l'intérieur de moi, positionné quelque part entre le coeur et l'estomac...et c'est comme s'il était en train de s'élargir sans me laisser le temps de comprendre la cause de son origine.
J'ai le souffle coupé et je sais que c'est pas moi la personne grise assise à ce bureau, qui fait semblant de travailler avec un sourire comme d'habitude. Ce sourire n'est pas à moi, il ne m'appartient pas.
Peut-etre j'aurais seulement besoin de pleurer, un bon pleur long, libérateur, à la fin duquel la fatigue laisse sa place à une tranquille paix intérieure.
La pire chose, c'est que j'arrive plus à pleurer...

I've got a smothering weight inside me, placed somewhere between the heart and the stomach...and it's like it's expanding without giving me the time to understand which is the cause of its origin.
I'm breathless and I know it's not me the dull person sitting at this desk, pretending to work as always with a smile. This smile is not mine, it doesn't belong to me.
Maybe I just need to cry, a good, long, cathartic cry after which a quiet inner peace replaces the weariness.
The worst thing is, that I don't manage to cry anymore...

Surprise!!

2006-10-02T12:44:00.000+02:00

Domenica sera ero intenta in attività mooolto impegnative, appollaiata sul divano con della buona musica in sottofondo, TV accesa per decorazione, tanti cuscini comodi dietro la schiena e il computer acceso, mentre chiacchieravo amabilmente con una persona particolarmente interessante. Ed ecco che squilla il telefono..la Silvia! sapevo che doveva tornare domenica ma a Roma, e che non sarebbe stata a casa prima di lunedì (cioè ieri).
Ho risposto al telefono: "Silvietta, ciao!!"
lei "Amo' dove sei?"
io "A casa"
lei "allora apri, sono davanti alla tua porta!!"
Ore 10h00 di sera...non potevo ricevere una sopresa migliore!! Dopo 5 mesi di lontananza finalmente il Condor e il Pappagallo si ricongiungono!! E questo fine settimana...festeggiamenti NON STOP!! :D

Dimanche soir j'étais en train de me dédier à des activités fort difficiles, bien assise sur mon sofa avec de la bonne musique en sousfond, télé allumée en guise de décoration, plein de coussins comfortables derrier mon dos et l'ordinateur allumé, pendant que je causais avec une personne particulièrement intéressante. Et voilà mon téléphone qui sonne...c'était Silvia! Je savais qu'elle devait retourner dimanche, mais à Rome, et qu'elle n'aurait pas été à la maison avant lundi (hier).
J'ai répondu au téléphone: "Silvietta, salut!!"
elle: "T'es où?"
moi:"Chez moi"
elle:"alors ouvre moi, je suis devant ta porte!!"
10h00 du soir...je ne pouvais recevoir une meilleure surprise!! Après 5 mois de distance finalement le Condor et le Perroquet se réunissent!! Et ce weekend....faut feter SANS ARRET!! :D

Sunday evening I was quietly spending my time in highly committing activities, nestled on the sofa with some good music as a background, TV on just to decorate, plenty of comfy pillows behind my back and the pc on, while I was talking with a particularly interesting person. And suddenly the phone rings...Silvia! I knew she had to get back on sunday, but in Rome, and that she wouldn't have been home before monday (yesterday).
I picked up the call: "Silvietta, hi!!"
she:" Where are you?"
me:" At home"
she:" so come let me in, I'm right out your door!!"
10h00pm...I couldn't receive a better surprise!! After 5 months of distance finally the Condor and the Parrot are reunited!! And this weekend...party NON STOP!! :D

Il y a des salauds...

2006-09-29T15:26:00.001+02:00

Haha fa piacere entrare in ufficio, trovarvi l'omino dell'assistenza tecnica che ti mangia con gli occhi e ti dice "ooh buongiorno, vedo che i gerani sul balcone stanno bene"
...attimo di silenzio...
Mi accorgo che non ho capito la battuta, prendo tempo, ma vedo i suoi occhi su cosa si posano.
Bastardo!...i gerani..il balcone...ma è tutto chiaro!!! Lo guardo tranquilla e gli dico "complimenti, hai trovato un modo carino per dirmi che ho delle belle tette, tu invece hai una maglietta rosa da metrosexual"
Stavolta è lui a non aver capito...sfigato!! :P

Haha ça fait plaisir d'entrer dans le bureau et y trouver le mec de l'assistance technique qui te dévore des yeux et te dit "ooh bonjour, je vois que les géraniums sur le balcon vont bien"
...moment de silence...
Je m'aperçois que j'ai pas compris la blague, je prends du temps, mais je vois sur quoi se posent ses yeux. Salaud!...les géraniums...le balcon...mais c'est clair!!! Je le regarde tranquille et je luis dis "compliments, t'as trouvé une façon gentille de me dire que j'ai des beaux seins, toi au contraire t'as une t-shirt rose de metrosexual"
Cette fois c'est lui à ne pas avoir compris...loser!! :P

Haha it's a pleasure to enter the office and find there the guy of the technical service eyeing you greedily and saying you "oooh good morning, I see the geraniums on the balcony are fine"
...silence...
I notice I didn't get the joke, I take some time, but I see where his eyes are staring. Bastard!...the geraniums...the balcony...it's crystal clear!!! I stare back at him quietly and tell him "congrats, you found a nice way to tell me I've got cute tits, on the contrary your pink shirt is a bit too metrosexual"
This time, it's his turn not to understand...loser!! :P

"E come un alito di vento può cambiare la mia vita...

2006-09-29T10:18:00.000+02:00

"E come un alito di vento può cambiare la mia vita
lo so solo io adesso."
E' il pezzo di una poesia che ho scritto un paio di anni fa, quando la mia vita era più ricca, più intensa, quando avevo intorno persone che erano apparenetemente estranee per me, ma talmente importanti da riempirmi ogni istante. L'ho scritta durante il mio periodo ad Angers, e a queste parole ritorno con la mente ogni volta che qualcosa arriva di colpo nella mia vita e porta conseguenze inaspettate. Una sorta di "butterfly effect", un piccolo, minimo evento che tuttavia sconvolge la mia esistenza.
E' capitato, qualche mese fa. Una telefonata, un sospetto, alcune visite di routine che hanno dato risultati strani. E poi la conferma, atroce, spietata. E così la persona che amo di più al mondo dopo mia madre, è precipitata in un baratro da cui è difficile uscire. Tre piccole parole, con un potere tremendo, quello di togliere il respiro e la speranza. Tre piccole parole che impediscono di vedere il futuro. Tre piccole parole...Cancro Al Cervello. La farfalla ha lasciato in un battito d'ali tre piccole paroline a decidere il futuro di una famiglia.
E non si discute se questo sia giusto o sbagliato. Accade. E bisogna andare avanti fino a quando il prossimo battito d'ali cambierà per sempre la direzione della nostra esistenza.

"Et comme un souffle de vent peut changer ma vie
c'est seulement moi qui le sait, maintenant."
C'est le morceau d'un poème que j'ai écrit il y a 2 ans, quand ma vie était plus riche, plus intense, quand j'avais autour de moi personnes qui étaient apparemment des étrangers pour moi, mais tellement importants qu'ils remplissaient tous mes instants. Je l'ai écrite pendant ma période à Angers, et c'est à ces mots que je reviens avec mes pensées à chaque fois que quelque chose se passe soudain dans ma vie en apportant des conséquences inattendues. Une sorte d'"effet papillon", un tout petit événement qui bouleverse cependant mon existence.
Il est arrivé, il y a quelques mois. Un coup de fil, un doute, quelques visites de routine qui ont donné des résultats bizarres. Et puis la confirmation, terrible, sans pitié. Comme ça la personne que j'aime le plus au monde après ma mère, est tombée dans un trou noir duquel il est difficile de s'en sortir. Trois petits mots, avec un énorme pouvoir, ce de couper le souffle et l'espoir. Trois petits mots qui empèchent de voir le futur. Trois petits mots...Cancer Du Cerveau. Le papillon a laissé dans un battement d'ailes trois petits mots à décider le futur d'une famille.
Et je ne discute pas s'il est juste ou pas. Il arrive. Et il faut procéder, jusqu'à quand le prochain battement d'ailes changera à tout jamais la direction de notre existence.

"And how a wind blow can change my life
it's only me who know it, now"
It's a piece of a poem I wrote two years ago, when my life was richer, more intense, when I had all around me people who were appearently strangers for me, but so important that they filled each one of my moments. I wrote it during my stay in Angers, and my mind goes to these words everytime something suddenly happens in my life, bringing unexpected consequences. A sort of "butterfly effect", a small, tiny event which nonetheless shatters my existence.
It happened, some months ago. A phone call, a doubt, some routine visits which gave weird results. And then the confirmation, terrible and merciless. This was the person I love most second to my mother only has fallen in a black hole which is difficult to come out from. Two little words, with an enormous power, the power of taking the breath away, along with the hope. Two little words which prevent from seeing future. Two little words...Brain Cancer. The butterfly has brought in a flutter of wings two little words to decide the future of a family.
And I don't debate whether this is right or not. It happens. And we need to go on, until the next flutter of wings will change our life's direction for good.

Un nuovo blog...

2006-09-27T16:31:00.000+02:00

Non ne potevo più del blog di msn spaces...davvero, avevo raggiunto livelli di pazienza inimmaginabili e ormai era da mesi che non ci scrivevo più nulla.
Ma il desiderio di rimettere le mani sui tasti del computer per raccontare quelli che sono i miei pensieri ha prevalso. In fin dei conti, a che pro tenere tutto dentro e rompere le scatole a tutti coloro che mi stanno intorno se posso tranquillamente liberarmi lo spirito riassumendone il contenuto in poche righe che qualcuno leggerà, qualcuno ignorerà e qualcun altro invece farà sue?
Sono tante le cose che sono successe da quando ho smesso di scrivere. E forse è anche il fatto di aver smesso di scrivere ad aver contribuito al mio malessere interiore...
Chi l'avrebbe mai detto che un blog può essere una cura alle paranoie? :)

J'en avais marre de mon blog de msn spaces...vraiment, ma patience était arrivée à la limite complète, et c'était depuis longtemps que je n'écrivais plus rien.
Mais le désir de remettre mes mains sur les touches du clavier pour raconter mes pensées s'en est sorti plus puissant que jamais. En fin des comptes, à quoi bon garder tout dedans et faire chier tous ceux qui ont la malchance de se trouver autour de moi, si je peux tranquillement libérer mon esprit en resumant son contenu en quelques lignes que quelcun lira, quelcun ignorera, et quelcun d'autre gardera dans soi?
Y a plein de choses qui se sont passées depuis que j'ai arreté d'écrire. Et il se peut que ce soit aussi le fait d'avoir arreté d'écrire qui a contribué à mon malaise intérieur....
Qui aurait dit qu'un blog peut etre une cure contre le paranoia? :)

I couldn't stand my blog on msn spaces anymore...indeed, my patience had reached the extreme limit, and it was since long that I didn't write anymore.
Yet, the wish to put again my hands on my pc keyboard to express my thoughts overcame everything. In the end, what's the point in keeping all inside and piss everyone around me off, if I can just quietly free my spirit resuming everything in a couple of lines that someone will read, someone will ignore, and someone else will keep for them?
There's plenty of events which happened since I stopped writing. And maybe the fact to have stopped writing has contributed to my inner discomfort...
Who could ever imagine a blog could be a good cure against paranoia? :)